Pancake Night
by Concupiscence66
Summary: Howard invites a new friend over for Pancake night.  Vince has reservations. M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

"_You_ have a friend coming over? And you're sure it's _not_ Lester Corncrake?" Vince asked one more time, just to be sure.

Howard narrowed his eyes (an impressive feat) and scowled, "I have friends, you know! Just because I don't pal around with every Tom, Dick and Harry..."

"What's wrong with Tom, Dick and Harry? They're great! They got a band and dress as Roman gods and sing in Latin..."

"I'm not talking about your friends: Tom, Dick and Harry - I meant a metaphorical Tom, Dick and Harry."

"They aren't metaphorical, they're real! I got pissed with them last night. Remember? I came home wearing a toga..."

Vince trailed off as Howard stormed out of the room. He wondered what right Howard had to be angry, it wasn't Vince that was casting doubt on the existence of Tom, Dick and Harry (a really nice group of guys to boot!).

True, Vince had questioned the existence of this Sebastion guy but that was only because Howard never made friends of his own free will. Howard had to be forced into friendships against his better judgment. You had to keep coming at him until he softened like butter on a fresh pancake and then he was your friend for life, even if you were just a severed head like Lester. The idea that Howard had just met some bloke in a jazz club and invited him over for pancake night was ridiculous. There had to be more to the story.

xxx

Howard sorted the ingredients for pancake night. He normally leaned towards more traditional pancakes, blueberries or chocolate chips, but on pancake night - he always tried something new. The chive had worked out, this week he was trying ginger.

He pulled out cinamon, dill, brown sugar, chocolate chips, butterscotch candies, jelly beans, rock candy, licorice, bananas, blueberries, an apple, raisons and some pecans. Then he remembered Naboo would be in and grabbed a packet of crisps and a bag of coconut shavings.

He was arranging the toppings in alphabetical order when Vince joined him in the kitchen. His flatmate grabbed a handful of jellybeans and stuffed them in his mouth before tossing some candy bars on the table.

"I thought Naboo might like a Bounty Bar with his crisps, amp it up a bit."

The first pancake night, Howard would have thrown up in his mouth at the thought of a Bounty Bar/crisp pancake but he'd become more open-minded over the years. A man of the world couldn't be afraid of an unconvential pancake.

He wondered what Sebastion would think of their daring pancake recipes. Would he be disgusted? No. He was American, their eccentric pancakes would probably seem mundane.

He sorted the candy bars in with the other ingredients and found himself curious about a Mars bar pancake.

"Tell me about this Sebastion guy," Vince prompted as he sucked up a raspberry bootlace like a turtle.

"He's a bass player, he was filling in for Lactose-Intolerant Louis at the club."

"And?"

"He's American, here on holiday."

"And?"

"I didn't ask for his CV, Vince. What else do you want to know?'

"Why you invited him to pancake night."

Howard tried to look casual and nearly fell over from the effort. He didn't know why he invited Sebastion over. It was a whim.

"He's a stranger in our land, I was being friendly."

"You won't let me invite Leroy and you've known him since school!"

"Yeah. I had him round my house, once, and he knicked my favorite bookmark."

"The one with the Charlie Parker on it?"

"Yes. I saved up two weeks allowance for that."

"Actually, Howard, that was me. I painted over it and gave it back to you for your birthday."

Howard rethought the past twenty years, "I guess I'll have to ring Leroy and appologize. I'll invite him to next week's pancake night."

Vince was leaning against the wall, smiling up at Howard with a cheeky glint in his eye.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Howard asked, feeling inexplicably nervous. After all these years, Vince still had a way of making him uncomfortable for no apparent reason.

"You're not mad I knicked your bookmark?"

Howard pushed past Vince and headed to the living room to choose some records for the evening.

xxx

Vince tossed himself on the couch and watched Howard sort through his dustiest records.

"Don't tell me we're going to have to listen to Weather Report all night?" he whined.

"Sebastion and I will be listening to jazz, you can do whatever you like," Howard snapped.

Vince frowned, not liking the idea of Howard choosing someone's company over his, even if it was some crusty old bass player. He probably wasn't even from a good part of America, like California or New York. He was probably from somewhere in the middle where they had nothing but corn and tornados.

He was tempted to make mean comments about jazz, a sure way to get Howard's full attention, but instead he picked up the book Howard was currently reading about Duke Ellington and flipped the book open to the bookmark. Vince had been reapplying finish once a year for two decades so it stayed in tact and the paint didn't chip (and reveal Charlie Parker). Sometimes he wanted to re-do it, fix the mistakes, but he could never change the message and there was no way he'd re-write it now.

He ran his finger over the little trumpets and saxaphones he'd drawn in yellow on the white background. In red letters, outlined in dark blue, were the words, "Happy birfday. I love you Howerd." He smiled when he flipped the bookmark over and read the words, "Made for you by Vince Noir Rocking Role Star". The words after "Vince" were written in a slightly darker shade of yellow. After finishing the bookmark, Vince had been afraid Howard might think it was Vince Smith who made the gift so he added his last name, just to be clear. The bit about "Rocking Role Star" had been a sudden flash of ten-year-old inspiration.

"Remember Vince Smith from school?" Vince asked after carefully placing the bookmark back where it belonged and closing the book.

"That berk? What made you think of him?" Howard didn't even look up from his records.

"I used to worry people wouldn't be able to tell us apart because we had the same name and yellow hair."

Howard looked up, his face incrdulous, "You've gone wrong, Vince. No one would ever confuse you and Vince Smith."

"Why?"

Howard cast Vince a suspicious look and went back to his records. Vince didn't know what he had hoped to hear Howard say but he was disapointed nonetheless.


	2. Chapter 2

"Is that what you're wearing?" Howard asked with just a hint of concern in his tone. Vince looked stricken and ran upstairs to change. Howard hadn't actually disapproved of Vince's outfit, the magenta blouse was rather flattering, but Howard couldn't think with Vince hovering. He wanted to clear his head before Sebastian arrived. It wasn't everyday he was able to have an intelligent and lucid conversation about music, even Lester didn't offer much in the way of intellectual stimulation. The man had a lot of jazz knowledge stored in his severed head but he was certifiable on his best days. They couldn't have a conversation about Coltrane without it dissolving into another rant from Lester about how they made pants too tight these days and Lester's balls couldn't breath or how all guide dogs were racist.

He could imagine spending the evening with Sebastian... whatever his last name was, discussing Be Bop vs. Hard Bop over wine into the wee hours. That was how grown men were meant to spend their time.

Not that he wasn't looking forward to pancake night, he loved pancake night.

After arranging his jazz albums, Howard headed upstairs to change his own clothes. As he walked by Vince's room, he saw clothes flying through the air.

"What happened to my stripy jumper? Where are my pooka shell trousers?"

They were at a consignment shop across town. Howard had been taking bags of clothes over for the past two years and Vince was just recently starting to notice things were missing from his wardrobe.

"If you got rid of some of the clothes you don't wear, you'd be able to find what you need," Howard lectured as he walked past. He ducked to avoid being hit by a pink pith helmet sent flying at his head.

xxx

Howard ran a hand over his hair. He wondered if it was too limp. Maybe he could use just a little bit of Root Booster... Howard struck himself hard across the face and the impulse faded. He was only human, he was bound to have the occasional lapse. The important thing was, he never gave in to those baser instincts. Let Vince be a peacock, Howard Moon was a man of substance.

Maybe he should try the tepid fawn cardigan instead of the aggressive muffin.

He heard the doorbell, his guest had arrived. He dropped a porkpie hat on his head and ran down the stairs, two at a time.

When he opened the door, Sebastian was standing there wearing a tense but friendly smile. It was the kind of expression that said, "Thanks for having me over, please don't kill me and wear my skin."

"Thanks for having me over," said Sebastian as he reached out his hand.

As Howard shook the man's hand, he noticed there was something familiar about him. Then it hit him.

Hit him like a sack of bricks.

"Let's forget the pancakes," Howard suggested, trying to slip out of the house, "Let's got get some Chinese food..."

"Where are you going?" Vince yelled, stopping Howard in his tracks. He could make a run for it but he had a feeling Sebastian wouldn't follow.  
>He was trapped.<p>

xxx

Vince had to yell to keep Howard from trying to sneak out of the house. Vince had spent a lot of time picking out a good pancake night outfit (that didn't show any nipple) for the sake of Howard's friend and now Howard was going to abandon him?  
>Howard gave him his creepiest smile, the one that made him look like a sex offender, "You don't want to listen to us prattle on about jazz all night, Vince. We'll just be going..."<p>

Vince pushed the door open and took a look at Howard's new mate.

Several things occurred to him at once. Sebastian wasn't old or deformed. He looked to be in his mid-twenties and was quite handsome in an Abercrombie & Fitch way. His hair was chin length and shaggy with chunky highlights. He wore plastic bracelets endorsing various charities. He had a tan and_really_ white teeth. Teeth that looked like they'd never made the acquaintance of a cig or cup of coffee. Behind his Buddy Holly glasses, his eyes were a pale blue. He was holding his hand out to Vince but rather than take the hand, Vince said the first thing that popped into his head.

"Why are you wearing my clothes?"

Howard groaned and Sebastian's face fell, "What?"

"You heard me," Vince repeated, "Why are you wearing my clothes? How did you get them?"

Howard was gripping Vince's arms and trying to pull him into the house.

"They aren't your clothes, Vince, why don't you go start making pancakes?" Howard suggested in such a warm and pleasant tone that Vince almost fell for it. He almost forgot why he was upset as he melted under Howard's affectionate gaze.

'He is wearing my jacket! Look, it still says 'How Moon' on the lapel! That is _my_ shirt, I know because I sewed all those different buttons on myself. Jack Cooper's teeth marks are on his boots, even them flares is mine! I'll bet there are two tiny holes in the back from when I got bit by that homophobic snake."

Sebastian was looking down in confusion at his clothing, "I thought_your_ name was Howard Moon."

Howard nodded, "Yes, I'm Howard Moon, this is Vince Noir."

"So this was your jacket?'

"Yeah, and then he let me have it," Vince said, speaking over whatever Howard was trying to say, "I tailored it myself, It's too short in the arm for you."

"Vince, you haven't worn any of those close in ages," Howard said in a soothing tone, his chocolaty eyes doing their Howard hypnosis.

Vince was falling for him.

It, falling for it.

Vince held his ground, "Why are you giving my clothes to strangers?"

"No one gave me these clothes," clarified Sebastian, "I bought them at a thrift shop. Some of my luggage got lost by the airline."

Vince turned to Howard for an explanation. Howard looked sheepish.

"You bastard," Vince snapped before storming off. He could hear Howard giving his new mate a fake laugh and saying, "Well, that's Vince."

xxx

Sebastian had been playing "Birdland", doing his best imitation of Jaco Pastorius (maybe Jaco with a couple of broken fingers), when he got that feeling: Someone was watching him. Of course, lots of people were watching him, he was on stage after all, but someone was _watching_ him. There was no point in resisting the urge to posture a bit, show off his best side, because Sebastian liked to be watched. He started playing the guitar to attract girls with his sensitive side. He switched to bass to get in a band and get laid. Then he heard Jaco and the world changed. He practiced for hours every night and wormed his way into bands that were too good for him so he'd be forced to rise up to their level. He was good, he wanted to be great, and he still wanted to get laid.

After "Birdland", the band took their break and Sebastian saw who it was that was watching him. It was fucking Magnum P.I. He could have laughed out loud at the idea he'd been biting his lip and looking sexy for a fifty-year-old in a Hawaiian shirt with a porn 'stache. As Magnum approached, Sebastian noticed the man was rocking socks with sandals. Hawaiian shirt, mustache, socks with sandals - the old guy hat trick.  
>He waited patiently for the come-on so he could politely explain he didn't 'swing that way'. He did occasionally swing that way but not for dudes who wore a turtleneck under a Hawaiian shirt.<p>

At first he thought it was the accent throwing him off but then he realized "Howard Moon" was speaking almost entirely in jazz slang, like a modern-day Maynard T. Krebs. He wondered what Howard Moon was on and if he had any extra he could sell. He heard more than one 'chicka-chicka' and possibly a 'skidoo' as Howard rambled on. When the come-on finally arrived, Sebastian almost missed it.

"Pancake night. We go a bit mad with the toppings but you can't be afraid of mixing the savory with the sweet..."

"I'm sorry, where is this 'pancake night'?"

"My flat, it's right down the street."

"And who would be there?"

"My mates: Vince, Naboo and Bollo. Bollo is a gorilla, are you afraid of gorillas? He's big but not dangerous, his asthma is terrible but he won't lay off the reefer..."

"I don't think I can make it," Sebastian said with a tight smile, "I'm staying with friends. I should really spend time with them while I'm here."

Sebastian had planned it as a polite blow-off but Howard nearly reeled from the rejection. He recovered quickly and said a little more nonsense before returning to his table, his face beet red.

As he played the next set, Sebastian kept casting glances at Howard who had his eyes closed as he played a serious of air instruments. He wondered if that was his future, would he one day be a sad old jazzer trying to invite people over for supper and getting knocked down?

When he approached Howard after the gig and asked if the invite was still open, Howard rewarded Sebastian with such a warm and unguarded smile, he wanted to call his mother and tell her she was right: It never hurts to be nice. If he could make some old guy happy just by eating pancakes (and he was definitely leaving after the pancakes) then why shouldn't he?

xxx

Having made the decision to be a nice guy, Sebastian was now trapped in an apartment that reeked of weed - looking at pictures of Howard with an actual fucking gorilla - listening to Howard try to calm down his "mate" (who was wearing a sequined jumpsuit and purple eye shadow) who was apparently the previous owner of every item of clothing on Sebastian's body. He hoped that when they found the severed pieces of his body in Howard's refrigerator that his mom understood it was all her fault. He should have been a jerk.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Pancake Night

Author: Concupid

Pairing: Howard/Vince, Howard/other

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: drug use, politics, language

Summary: Sebastian tries to negotiate a conversation with Vince and Howard.

Sebastian was getting a contact high just from sitting on the couch while Vince and Howard argued in the next room. He imagined this was what it was like to hang out with Cheech and Chong in the seventies; he was glad he was wearing his retro flares.

Vince's retro flares.

He dearly wished someone would offer him a puff, he was not going to survive Pancake night with Howard and Vince if he had to do it straight. On the other hand, maybe he should keep his wits about him, what with there being a goddamn_ gorilla_ in the house.

Maybe he was already really high. Maybe it was all a dream.

"You haven't worn any of those clothes or even noticed they were gone for two years!"

"****** mine! I **** hours on that jacket to ***** ******* fit **** right!"

Sebastian could only understand half of what Vince was saying in his thick accent but it was clear he was upset. It was rather disturbing that the man in a jumpsuit with a modified mullet had once had the same taste in clothing as Sebastian. Maybe Vince had been in a car accident and had some kind of brain trauma. Maybe Howard was his caretaker. Maybe the gorilla was a helper animal.

The more Sebastian tried to the make sense of his surroundings, the more confused he became. He pulled off the jacket and studied it. It was a simple dark jacket with a few added patches and some piping. The tailoring was hand stitched and the lining appeared to be customized. On the breast pocket it said "How Moon" but now that he looked closely, he could see where the stitching had originally said Howard. He'd been drawn to the jacket and numerous other pieces of clothing that surely belonged to Vince because of the hand crafted embellishments. They were trendy but not pretentious. He'd been thrilled to find such a boon is a second hand store while his real clothes circled the globe without him. If he'd never met Howard Moon, he'd be leaving England with a new suitcase full of beautiful second hand clothes. Fate was a real fucker some times.

Howard ushered a calm Vince into the sitting room.

"All right?" Vince asked with a surprisingly friendly expression.

"Yes, of course. Vince, I want you to have your jacket back and I can drop everything else off later..."

"S'all right, s'like Howard said ************"

Sebastian couldn't understand a word of Vince's explanation but he grasped the implication; Sebastian could keep the clothes.

"Well, take the jacket at least. It's beautiful what you've done with it."

Vince took the jacket with a warm smile, "Me in Howard went to the same school but ****** ******* tight so Howard gimme (?) his an I **** ***** Mick Jagger **** ********. It was genius."

Howard chuckled at what was perhaps a funny anecdote or at least a fond memory. Sebastian smiled and nodded. If he was understanding Vince (and that was a big if), Howard and Vince were roughly the same age. Vince had a bony and angular face that made his age hard to place but he grinned and fidgeted like a child. At first, Sebastian thought Vince was rather ugly , then he decided he was really good looking. He finally settled on kind of ugly in a startlingly handsome way. When Sebastian ignored the socks and sandals and other signs of obvious old man-ery, Howard looked to be in his late thirties rather than his fifties. Maybe it was Vince's childishness that made Howard act so old. Maybe he really was a caretaker. Or a lover. Ex-lover? Social worker? Accountant? It was hard to get a read on their relationship. There was a lot of affection but there seemed to be a physical boundary between them. They shared plenty of adoring glances but they kept a healthy 'no homo' space between them.

Maybe it you couldn't call it a 'no homo' space when one party was wearing a fuchsia jumpsuit and lip gloss. It's not like these guys seemed overly concerned with social convention.

What if Howard had invited him over for a three-way? Sebastian was about 90% (85% at least) sure he would not be into an all male three way with these weirdoes.

Vince asked him a question. He knew it was a question from the way the man's voice got higher at the end of the sentence but Sebastian hadn't caught a single word.

"I'm sorry, I'm still getting used to all the different accents. Where are the two of you from?" he asked half in sincere curiosity, half in desperation to divert the conversation.

Vince was from "Sowff London" and Howard was from Leeds which was apparently "Northern". There were clearly implications to being Northern that went over Sebastian's head. He'd ask his friends later, right now he just wanted to keep everybody happy and not yelling.

"So how did you meet? Was it college or university?" Sebastian couldn't remember the difference between college and university. He briefly wondered if there was a difference between the two words in the U.S. and he'd just never picked up on it. Being in England made him feel stupid. He'd already been corrected by an Englishman for referring to Omaha as a state (the worst part was, it wasn't a slip of the tongue, he'd honestly thought it was a state) and had been stymied by a question about the electoral college. He tried to explain that American education didn't focus on facts, it focused on ideas and that's why there were people on Medicare who protested government healthcare and met in public parks to protest socialism. Those people were focused on big ideas, not little things like reality (or irony). He tried to tell people that the mixture of empty-headed optimism and cold-hearted cynicism that lead to the ironically named "No Child Left Behind" and "The Patriot Act" didn't just signal the downfall of America - they signaled the overdue death of rationality. He longed to be in Seattle, where he smart and they knew how to make coffee.

"We was at school togever," Vince explained. Sebastian nodded, no more informed than he'd been before he asked the question.

"We met when we were small, when my family moved to London," Howard explained, "Vince was ten, I was eleven."

Sebastian smiled at the idea of two little boys - one in a porkpie hat, the other in a spangled jumpsuit - playing whatever the fuck games little boys played in England.

"We been togever ever since, the ole *********."

Sebastian wished he'd gotten the last part of the sentence, it might have helped him figure out their relationship, but he let it go. This whole evening was a 'run down the clock' kind of evening.

"And you've been friends ever since? That's amazing," Sebastian said with sincerity but also hoping if would prompt a 'more than friends' kind of response from one of the men. No such luck. Vince said something about a zoo and Howard pointed to a picture on the wall. Sebastian stood up to look at it. Howard was posed awkwardly for the camera in an ill-fitting green jacket. Everything that was right about Howard was made wrong by his horrible hair and horrible mustache and horrible uniform. Vince faired better in the picture. He was clearly sucking in his cheeks to make his cheekbones pop and his hair was bizarre (though the highlights were quite good, Sebastian was going to consider a dark bang next time he colored his hair) but he looked fresh-faced and sweet. They were standing on either side of an enormous gorilla and a tiny, odd-looking guy in a turban.

"I have this jacket," Sebastian laughed, tapping the photo frame, "I hope you don't want it back because I am fucking in love with this jacket."

He turned back to his hosts in time to see Howard go pale as Vince turned red, "My Zooniverse jacket? You chucked my Zooniverse jacket?"

Sebastian didn't need to understand anything else Vince said, the enraged yelling was enough as the strange man stormed out of the room with Howard on his heels.

XXX

Sebastian literally tried twiddling his thumbs as he waited for the fight to subside. He was ready to run when the door behind him opened to reveal a small man in a turban and a gorilla.

The small man tried speaking to Sebastian several times but the American couldn't make out a word. He seemed to have the same accent as Vince but with the addition of a pronounced lisp. It was the gorilla that ended up translating.

"Me Bollo. This, Naboo. We live with precious and beautiful Vince and big ballbag Harold."

"I'm Sebastian. I met Howard at a jazz club and he invited me over for pancakes but they're fighting so maybe I should leave..." He was talking to a gorilla. A talking gorilla.

"They always fight. You want smoke?"

The gorilla help up a comically large blunt.

"No, thanks," Sebastian demurred. He was talking to a gorilla. A pot-smoking gorilla.

He didn't understand what Naboo said next but Sebastian gave the universal 'spark your spleef, I'm cool' gesture. The room soon filled with smoke and Sebastian found he could understand everything Naboo was saying and the man was some kind of genius. He was busy giving Bollo cornrows when Vince and Howard finally returned.

Howard surveyed the scene and said, "Let's start making some pancakes, yeah?"


	4. Chapter 4

Sebastian was literally jumping for joy as he surveyed the pancake mixers.

"I am trying ALL of these! Oh my GOD, they all look so fucking good."

"How much did you have to smoke, little man?" Howard asked the American.

"_I'm_ little man!" Vince yelled. Rather than storm off, Vince shoved a handful of candy in his mouth and chewed angrily as he glared at Howard. Howard decided Vince's insanity could wait for the moment so he turned back to Sebastian only to find the American moving towards Vince. Sebastian put his hand on Vince's cheek and ran his thumb over his sharp cheekbone. Howard had denied it vociferously only minutes earlier but now he could see it: maybe Sebastian's blandly handsome features were a _tad_ similar to Vince's. Their big blue eyes were nearly the same shade of blue; they both had crooked noses and pronounced cheekbones. Sebastian, visually, was like an American remake of Vince. He was younger and better-looking but a tad boring.

"Vince, don't be upset. No one is trying to replace you," Sebastian murmured in a soothing tone as he caressed Vince's confused face, "Why did I think you were ugly? You are really beautiful."

Howard watched in horror as Sebastian pressed his lips to Vince's. It began as a chaste kiss but it ended with Sebastian running his tongue over Vince's lips. The sight did something to Howard's brain that seemed unlikely to ever be undone. He felt a childish urge to pull both of their hair.

"Wow, I can taste the candy on your lips and it is SO GOOD!" Sebastian nearly moaned the words before shoving a handful of candy in his mouth, "What are these? I need to buy boxes of it before I go back to America. I miss America. The food here is weird! Except for this candy, this candy is amazing..."

"Sebastian, how much did you smoke?" Howard asked in his creamiest voice as the American shoveled handfuls of wine gums into his mouth. Out of the corner of his eye, Howard could see Vince chewing on his still-wet bottom lip.

"Nothing, this is just from being in the same room as Bollo and Naboo! I am ten feet off the ground!" Sebastian mumbled through a mouthful of sweets as he began jumping again, "You guys must be wasted all the time. What do you say here... Off your tits! You must be off your tits non-stop with a second hand buzz!"

Howard and Vince exchanged concerned glances as Sebastian poked at his nipples through Vince's old shirt and mumbled, "off my tits," in a terrible attempt at a British accent.

Surely he and Vince had simply built up a tolerance over time from living with Naboo and Bollo.

Howard remembered the day Bollo died. He was still a bit murky on how the gorilla had ended up back alive.

And living in a flat in Dalston.

"_We're_ not high, Sebastian, but you clearly are and I'm a bit worried about you," Howard explained as he turned the young man's face towards his own. The blue eyes looked bizarre with their pin prick pupils. The boy was, indeed, off his tits. Sebastian smiled up at Howard and licked his lips enticingly.

"My lips taste so fucking good right now," Sebastian murmured as he moved his face closer to Howard's. Howard was grateful when Vince grabbed Sebastian by the collar and yanked the smaller man backwards.

"All right, sweetie lips, let's start making some pancakes," Vince ordered, a hint of raggamuffin in his normally gentle tone, "Howard's not on the menu."

Sebastian looked deep into Vince's eyes and asked the inevitable question.

"Can I touch your hair?"

xxx

Howard was making the pancake batter as always, he was the only one with the patience to actually read the directions and measure the ingredients, and Vince was working the skillet.

"You're up, Naboo," Vince called, "Name your poison."

Naboo dumped some crushed crisps and a chopped up Bounty bar into his pancake.

"Great idea with the Bounty, Vince," Naboo acknowledged, "I think it's really going to ramp up the taste."

For the fifth time since they started cooking, Sebastian said, "I am having one of those! That looks amazing."

Vince liked Sebastian but the man needed to stop talking. Vince was getting tired of the non-stop chatter and he lived with Howard!

He cast a glance over his shoulder at Sebastian. If the American stood any closer to Howard, he would be inside the Northerner's cardigan.

And getting hit upside the head with a skillet.

Not that Vince cared if Sebastian wanted to get off with Howard. It wasn't like Howard would know what to do with him anyway.

Not that Vince cared.

"You're up, Sebastian. Throw your fixins in the mixins."

Sebastian threw wine gums, chocolate chips and bananas into his pancake and hovered over Vince's shoulder until it was finished. When Vince dropped the pancake onto a plate, he and Howard both grabbed Sebastian's hand as he reached for the edible frisbee - saying, "Careful!" in unison.

Vince laughed and winked at Howard, "The ole double-act magic."

Sebastian turned to Howard, "The ole what?"

"Double-act. A comedy team," Howard explained, carefully enunciating each word.

"Oh! I get that, totally. You guys are totally like Martin and Lewis except I don't really understand you, Vince. I feel bad because I think I'd really be into what you're saying," Sebastian moved closer and closer to Vince until their noses were nearly touching, "Because you put all the different buttons on this shirt and that is amazing. You're very creative."

Sebastian kissed Vince on the cheek before grabbing his pancake with his hands and shoving it in his mouth.

"You're up, Howard. Savory or sweet?" Vince called as he poured the batter in the skillet. He could feel his cheeks burning with a blush that had little to do with Sebastian's kiss and everything to do with Howard's eyes burning a hole in the back of his head.

xxx

Howard and Vince were sitting side by side at the table, eating pancakes. Naboo had passed out in his chair while eating his third pancake and was snoring. Bollo was on the floor in a similar state. Sebastian had briefly fallen asleep while lying on the table but he quickly woke up and began eating pancakes again. He was currently working on Howard's ginger, soy and wasabi pancake - sprawled across their table on his stomach. Vince had a bite at Sebastian's insistence and had to admit it was tasty. He thought about what Sebastian said earlier, how he and Howard must always be high living in a house full of smoke.

"I can't believe I almost didn't come to pancake night!" Sebastian exclaimed between bites, "This is awesome! Oh, man! You know what we should do? We should listen to some fucking Weather Report. Some _Heavy Weather_ would be perfect right now. Tell me you have it on vinyl, Howard. I know you must have it on actual vinyl the way God intended it to be heard."

Sebastian was gazing at Howard like a lovesick teen as Howard prattled on about his original pressing. Vince wanted to stab the younger man with a fork.

"Is it trendy to like jazz in the states?" Vince asked, his fork safely on the table.

Sebastian smiled at him warmly before turning to Howard, "What did he say?"

"How can you understand Howard and not me! He's from Leeds! I have trouble understanding him sometimes."

Howard gave Vince one of his disapproving geography teacher looks before translating Vince's question.

Sebastian laughed, "It's trendy to _say_ you like jazz but not so much to actually really like it. Girls are impressed when you say you play in a fusion band but they don't like to actually sit through a whole set."

"Well," Vince tried to choose his words carefully so as not to offend his houseguest, "Jazz is a bit rubbish, isn't it?"

When Sebastian turned to Howard for his translation, Howard explained that Vince 'feared jazz'.

Sebastian rolled onto his back, putting his elbow in Vince's pancake in the process.

"Vince, let me tell you, jazz... When I listen to _Heavy Weather _I feel like... No. When I play bass in a rock band, it's awesome. I love it. I feel like a fucking rock star and shit and it's great and sometimes I get laid and people buy me drinks but when I play with a band like I did last night... It's like making love to someone you've been with for a long, long time. Someone you love and who loves you. You're not worrying about your performance or showing off or if you're supposed to spend the night or just leave afterwards - you're just in the moment and happy to be doing what you're doing. It's just real and honest and beautiful. Do you know what I mean?"

Vince shook his head and said, "No, not really. I've never had a girlfriend that long."

Sebastian turned to Howard who was blushing furiously and shaking his head no.

Sebastian sat up on the table, "Yeah, I guess I don't know either. I hope that's what it's like. I hope really being in love is as good as _Heavy_ _Weather_."


	5. Chapter 5

Howard sat on the couch and mimed playing the drums as Sebastian sat sprawled on the sitting room floor, playing his air bass. He was beginning to feel jealous of Vince for having grown up with Howard. If he'd had a friend like Howard as a kid, maybe he wouldn't worry so much about being cool. Maybe he'd have discovered jazz when he was younger and he'd better on the bass, maybe not Jaco, but better.

He didn't realize he was speaking out loud until Howard started responding to his internal dialogue.

"You're an amazing bass player! Way better than Lactose-Intolerent Louis and, let me tell you, he is one hell of a musician. You're just young, yeah? You've not experienced the blues. When you're my age..."

"How old are you?" Sebastian asked, scooting himself closer to Howard. He wanted to dig his fingernails into the grooves of Howard's corduroy pants but there was still a tiny, sane part of his brain telling him that might be 'inappropriate'.

Howard opened his mouth a few times before finally admitting, "I've no idea. Vince and I have created so many stories over the years... it gets a bit confusing. I know I'm a year older than him because I missed a year of school..."

"Why?" The corduroy grooves were calling to him, saying, "Scratch us and hear the satisfying sound we'd make. You know you want to."

"I... I took a year off to focus on my guitar playing," Howard began in a pompous and unconvincing tone, "I was the fastest guitar player in Leeds..."

"But you were in London, weren't you?" he asked as he pressed his thumbnail into a corduroy groove at Howard's knee and traced in to his sock and sandal clad feet. If he'd been friends with Howard growing up, maybe he wouldn't have got his degree in business, maybe he'd have taken a chance on music as a career. Maybe wouldn't have broke out in hives when his friend, Chris, made him watch "Nathan Barley" because he saw himself in every character.

He couldn't tell if it was the question or the cord touching that was making Howard uncomfortable but the man looked pained. His face had become an entire ecosystem of twitches; a place where all nervous tics could live together as one vivid display of discomfort.

"Yeah, I missed a year of school before we moved to London..."

Sebastian ran his thumbnail back up the groove in Howard's pants until he returned to the knee.

Then he began working his way up Howard's thigh.

"Why did you move to London?"

Sebastian ran his nails across Howard's thigh and was rewarded with that wonderful corduroy sound. He was also rewarded with a distinct hitch in Howard's breathing and a visible bulge in the beiger-than-beige cords. The sane part of his brain was fighting a losing battle, his conscience was a whisper mumbling, "This might be wrongish but he does look handsome in this light... No, don't grope this stranger while his semi-boyfriend is the house... Well, maybe just a little.."

"It's a long story and not very interesting," Howard was obviously lying but Sebastian was feeling distracted, "What brought you to England? Did you hear about our jazz scene?"

Sebastian climbed onto the couch so he could steal Howard's hat, "Do I look good in this hat? I always think I look like a girl in hats."

Howard tucked a piece of hair behind his ear nervously as he surveyed Sebastian, "You look very nice."

"Do I?" Sebastian asked, leaning in to give Howard a better look.

"But you do look like a girl," Howard added before pulling the hat down in what Sebastian assumed was a more manly position.

"What's the deal with you and Vince?"

Howard's eyes were a bit panicky and it suited him, "We're best mates, have been for years. He looks up to me as a sort of man of the world, a philosopher, a scholar even..."

"Are you fucking him?"

Howard's cringe was a clear enough answer for Sebastian to put his conscience to bed. The sad fucker didn't put up much of a fight, "Oh, so you're going to have sex with a man you don't know while you're high in a foreign country... Try to remember to use a condom... I wish I had told you to bring a condom..."

"My conscience is so retarded," Sebastian whispered as he climbed into Howard's lap. The Magnum PI thing was kind of working for him at this point.

Howard gulped and, again, pushed his hair behind his ear though the strand was too thin and limp to stay put. That futile, nervous gesture was working for Sebastian, too.

When he pressed his lips to Howard's, the older man immediately began to protest but went quiet as Sebastian ran his tongue along the top of his mouth. Howard's obvious lack of experience quelled Sebastian's remaining doubt as to whether or not the man was already taken. He was so awkward and nervous that Sebastian wanted to take care of him and make him feel good. He felt like a superhero whose super powers included being good-looking in a generic sort of way and giving mediocre blowjobs. When he laughed in Howard's mouth, the older man responded by suggesting they hire a cab to take Sebastian back to his friend's 'flat'.

"You need a good night's sleep and you'll be right as rain," Howard explained in a husky tone as he removed Sebastian's hand from his thigh.

Sebastian ran his hands through Howard's fine hair, "It's okay, Howard, just enjoy yourself. I'll make it good for you, I promise."

When Howard closed his eyes and let out a shuddery sigh, Sebastian took it as a sign to continue.

XXX

Vince changed into a pair of boot cut jeans and Stones tee-shirt and slipped on his 'How Moon' jacket. It didn't fit as perfectly as it once did. All the maltloaf in the world couldn't make him as skinny as he was when he lived on sugar and still barely maintained enough body fat to keep himself alive through the night. Back then, he hated being skinny - now emaciated men were well in.

It had been a random whim that made him ask Howard for his school jacket, a vague idea that he didn't want Howard's jacket to go in the bin when he headed off to work at the Zooniverse. Howard had looked at him funny but he'd agreed. Howard always used to agree in those days.

Vince looked at himself in the mirror, the jacket looked good. Really good. He used to wear it all the time - it had been his go-to whenever he wanted to look extra stylish. Howard didn't like him to wear it around their mutual friends because he thought it might seem 'weird'.

Vince wore the jacket on a first date with a girl named Christine who was in a band AND worked at Topshop. Vince could hear - well, maybe he didn't hear wedding bells, he was only twenty at the time - but he really thought he might have found someone special. Instead, she ended the date before dessert by announcing Vince was wasting her time.

"What do you mean?" he'd asked, mortified by the sudden and swift rejection.

"Mate, you showed up to our date wearing another man's jacket? You've got his fucking name over your heart. In my book, that means you aren't available."

"It's just a jacket! I couldn't tailor my own, it would have been too small in the shoulders..."

"I really don't want to hear about it, Vince. You're cute but you're taken and I'm not wasting any more time. Cheers."

Vince had tucked the jacket into the bottom of his wardrobe and never pulled it out again but he never even considered getting rid of it. He hadn't meant anything with the jacket, he just thought it looked nice and he liked the way he felt when he wore it.

For the first time, he really understood why it embarrassed Howard when Vince wore the jacket out. Of course, people took it the wrong way. It was like the bookmark all over again. As much as he loved Howard, he would never again be able to write the words because Vince Smith had taken one look at the gift and called Vince a poof. He hadn't understood the word back then but he knew it was _bad_. Christine's accusation was even more powerful. Vince Noir had already embraced his ambiguous sexuality but he knew Howard wasn't interested. Running around like a love struck teeny-bopper in Howard's jacket had been fine until someone finally pointed at it and said, "This is wrong."

He had loved Howard from the first time they met. Howard has asked him what he was drawing and Vince had said, "This is me and me dad."

Howard surveyed the picture of Vince and his father, who was wearing his work clothes from the restaurant (a white dinner jacket), surrounded by monkeys (Vince's favorite thing to draw) and said, "Were you raised in the jungle by Bryan Ferry?"

Of course, he loved Howard. How could he not?

After his ill-fated date with Christine he'd sulked for a bit then decided to take action. He got totally pissed and came on to Howard at the Zooniverse Christmas party. Howard had taken him home and let him sleep in his bed while Howard slept on the couch. Even though he'd been rejected and spent the next day vomiting so hard he popped a blood vessel in his left eye, Vince wasn't sorry about what he'd done. Howard didn't want him but he didn't hate him, either. The big Northerner still cared about him, fed him dry toast and called him Little Man while he recovered. Howard loved him and that was more than enough for Vince. What was a quick shag compared to what they had?

Vince was perfectly happy until some stupid American with perfect teeth and look-I-must-be-smart glasses who liked jazz showed up at their doorstep wearing Vince's clothes. Howard was probably downstairs losing his virginity to Little Man 2.0 and Vince was once again left mooning over Moon. How predictable. How Moon.

Vince wiped a tear from his eye and decided it was time to kick Sebastian the fuck out of his house.

He'd hire him a cab, of course. He didn't want the kid getting mugged. And it was a bit chilly so he should probably give the American a jacket to wear.

Vince grabbed one of his older jackets, a beautiful red velveteen with elbow patches and embellished pockets. He didn't wear it much any more and he was sure Sebastian would like it.

The Howard-stealing wanker.

XXX

Sebastian was in Howard's lap, licking the Northerner's tonsils. Vince was ready to tell him to leave when he realized the younger man's hand was actually inside Howard's cords, stroking the older man's cock. Howard, who didn't like to be touched, was making quite the exception tonight. Vince threw the jacket on the couch and left the room. He heard Howard and Sebastian calling after him but what was left to say? He didn't even feel angry.

He just felt empty.


	6. Chapter 6

Sebastian was in Howard's lap and offering to free Howard of his burdensome virginity in any number of ways. "Whatever you want, Howard, tell me what you want."

It was a disturbingly familiar scenario. More than a decade later, he can still remember the flush of Vince's cheeks, the blue of his eyes barely visible around his dilated pupils, the smell of rum on his breath as the young man whispered, "We can do whatever you fancy, Howard. I'll do anything. I don't mind."

He'd been half carrying the drunk and flirtatious Vince up the stairs of their boarding house when Vince made his offer and it took every ounce of self-control in his body to ignore the words and continue his task. Vince had been drinking heavily at the Zooniverse Christmas party and asked Howard to take him home. Howard had been happy to oblige as Vince was acting a bit odd and attracting the attention of Bob Fossil. Fossil was already too 'fond' of Vince for Howard's comfort and he shuddered to think what might happen with Vince is such a compromised state of mind. He hadn't been himself since his date with the Topshop girl had gone badly. Vince wasn't used to rejection. Now, Vince was out of his mind and it was up to Howard to be the sensible one, as usual. It was up to him to keep Vince from falling and breaking his neck.

"I could suck you off. I've not tried it but I think it would be all right..."

Or doing something he'd bitterly regret in the cold light of day.

"You can try bumming me but Leroy says it ain't that easy the first time..."

He'd ended up slapping a hand over the young man's mouth until they were safely upstairs.

He took Vince to his room, worried the young man might fall or otherwise do himself harm on his own. When he put Vince in his bed and helped him off with his Zooniverse jacket and Chelsea boots, he'd been sorely tempted to take his friend up on one of his 'offers'. Vince looked so... hopeful. It wasn't much to be proud of - not raping your friend while he was off his head - but Howard felt proud of himself, nonetheless. He'd faced unimaginable temptation and done the right thing. Howard Moon was a good person.

Now he wondered how the night would have gone if Vince had been more physically aggressive, maybe Howard wouldn't have turned out to be such a good person after all. Sebastian was giggling and barely coherent and Howard had already let things go too far. Every time he sensibly explained why Sebastian needed to go home and sleep off the effects of his time with Naboo and Bollo, the American countered with some placating response that lulled Howard into thinking maybe it wouldn't be_ so_ bad if he just gave in.

"You're not thinking clearly..."

"I'm too chickenshit to get it on with a guy when I'm sober. Not thinking clearly is a good thing in this situation," Sebastian patiently explained as he unfastened Howard's corduroys.

When Sebastian's calloused fingers closed around Howard's painfully hard cock, Howard decided the younger man was right. Some things shouldn't be done with a clear head.

_So_, sneered a familiar voice from his brain,_ if Fossil had been the one to put Vince to bed that night, it would have been all right for him to take Vince up on his offer? You'd feel the same way if it were your friend being violated as you do about this poor kid you barely know and who will take your dirty little secret back to America with him? You and Old Gregg should get together and write a book of dating tips. Kodiak Jack can write the forward. You thought he was harmless, too, didn't you? Too sad and pathetic to do any harm just like you..._

He grabbed Sebastian's wrist, "I'm sorry, it isn't right."

Sebastian moaned, "I know it's messed up but the fact you're trying to be a good guy is just turning me on more."

Sebastian leaned in for another deep kiss and Howard let his hand drop.

xxx

Sebastian scrambled off of Howard's lap, yelling after Vince to wait.

"Oh, fuck, Howard," Sebastian wailed, flailing his arms about, "Don't worry. I'll talk to Vince. It'll be fine... Look at this jacket! Oh my god, it is gorgeous! Was he giving it to me? Would it be weird if I wore it because I really want to wear it..."

Watching Sebastian slide on the red jacket like he was preparing to make love to it, Howard felt sick about the line he had so nearly crossed. As he scrambled to pull his clothing into place, he wondered what he could possibly say to Vince.

"Look at the pockets! You can't buy shit like this... Wait, Vince. That's right, I'll talk to Vince and we'll get this jacket situation straightened out..."

"Sebastian, please just sit here while I make sure Vince is okay," Howard ordered as he guided Sebastian back to the couch, "Please just sit here and listen to music and enjoy your lovely new jacket. All right, Little Man?"

Sebastian waved his finger in Howard's face, "Vince is Little Man, don't get him even angrier by giving away his nickname."

"Actually, _I'm _Little Man but I don't suppose that's relevant at this juncture. Please, just stay still and I'll be back and we'll get you home safe."

Sebastian licked his lips as he sprawled suggestively on the couch, "Don't worry. I'll be waiting for you, Howard."

Howard heaved a sigh and went looking for Vince. He would never again be so rash as to invite someone over for Pancake Night. From now on, he would stick to being the anti-social loner and let Vince be the social butterfly.

xxx

Vince rested his head against the rough but cool chimney and tried to stop thinking. He wasn't like Howard, he wasn't used to having so many thoughts in his head.

Howard was straight except Howard was desperate for affection so even if someone like Vince kissed him he could become gay for a little bit but then he went right back to being straight when he saw the pencil case girl.

Howard didn't like to be touched, not even by his best friend. Not even by his mum or dad or the girls who had fancied him in school. He said it had something to do with the car accident he was in before they met, the one that made his family move to London.

Howard wanted to be loved but not touched. Did that mean he only wanted to shag but not be touched any other time?

Vince had offered Howard whatever he wanted and Howard had patted him on the head and told him to go to sleep.

Howard let Sebastian...

Vince jammed the heels of his hands into his eyes and tried to force the image out of his head.

"Vince? Vince? There you are. Come down, I need your help. We need to figure out where Sebastian came from and return him," Howard's tone was firm. Vince thought of it as Howard's 'dad voice'.

"Why would we return him?" Vince spat the words angrily, "You've made the leap across the physical boundary! This is forever, right, Howard? You and Sebastian Whatever-his-surname-is from somewhere in America must be in love because you let touch your cock and Howard Moon doesn't have casual sex. He's too serious for that. While you were planning your lives together, did he mention if he has a job or not? A Wife? Kids? Herpes?"

Howard had the decency to look ashamed of himself but he was still working his way carefully towards Vince, "Look, Little Man, I know how it looks..."

"It looks like you're a fucking... What's the word?"

"Hypocrite."

"Yeah, that. You say you want a real relationship but you're coping off with the first guy who gets off on Weather Report."

Howard was staring at his feet, his cheeks pink, and Vince felt sorry for him. It wasn't easy being Howard Moon. He reached out a hand to pat his friend on the shoulder, only to have Howard pull away as usual.

"Just to be clear, I cannot touch your shoulder but I could probably pat your cock and you'd be all right with that? Am I getting the picture here?" Vince asked. He'd meant it to sound like a joke, it came out angrier than he'd intended.

Howard's face was wounded but he didn't back down, "Please, Vince. I'm in over my head. I can't get him to stop acting all... I don't know how to deal with him. He'll listen to you, he's practically in love with you. Please go talk to him and find out where he's staying before something bad happens."

"Like what, he gives you another hand job? Maybe you didn't notice when he was sucking your tonsils and jerking you off, I think he's interested in you, mate. Why don't you just let him sleep it off and he'll figure his own way home tomorrow," Vince wasn't in the mood to be a good Samaritan tonight.

"What if he tries it on again?" Howard asked, a hint of panic in his voice, "I don't know if I can keep him at bay. It could turn ugly, sir."

"What's the big deal, Howard? Just get off with him. That's what people do when they're on holiday, they get off with strange people."

"And I suppose you would feel that way if you were Sebastian? Eh? If you weren't able to think clearly and someone took advantage of you..."

"If I were sitting in his lap and asking him to shag me then, yeah, I would want to be taken advantage of," Vince snapped without thinking.

Howard looked so snug, Vince wanted to hit him.

"Is that so? Because you may not remember it, Sonny Jim, but you were in a pretty similar situation a few years back and I think you'd have been pretty upset the next morning to find I'd..." Howard put a hand over his mouth, his tiny eyes as wide as they could get.

"Of course, I remember, you berk. I told you I was up for anything and you sent me to bed like a child but this guy, someone you don't even know, him you'll get off with. I guess he's special enough for your first time but your best mate since you were a kid? No way."

"Vince, you've gone wrong. You've got it all backwards."

Vince grabbed Howard by the shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. Howard was just as stiff and awkward as during their first rooftop kiss but slowly he began to relax in Vince's arms. Vince pressed his back against the chimney and dug his heels in for support. There was not bouncy castle to save them this time.

"Are you still a virgin?" Vince asked between panting kisses.

Howard mumbled his answer a few times until Vince finally heard a "yes".

"Let's go downstairs and take care of that," Vince suggested as he stroked Howard through his corduroys, feeling his cock jump eagerly.

"What about Sebastian?" Howard asked as he kissed Vince's throat.

"Fuck him, I saw you first."


	7. Chapter 7

Sebastian rubbed the tips of his fingers, wishing he had his bass. He wanted to practice. He would have loved to run his hyper-sensitive finger tips over the taut strings, and bask in the sweet groove.

He also wanted to jerk off.

On one hand, he was a guest and it was just plain bad manners to jerk off in someone's living room. Besides, Howard and Vince could return at any time and how awkward would that be?

On the other hand, he was _really _horny and wanted to jerk off. Howard's mustache was scratchy and he couldn't kiss for shit and yet Sebastian missed the feel of the man like he would have missed a limb. He'd never felt so confident as he did crawling around in Howard's lap. The strange man had actually trembled- Trembled! - under Sebastian's touch. He was like an old episode of Lassie, there wasn't a trace of cynicism in him. Howard was innocent and real and hung like a fucking horse. And he looked like Magnum PI! How had that ever seemed like a bad thing?

Howard's awkward and hesitant kisses had left Sebastian so hard he was dizzy and he really needed to take things in hand.

He weighed the options carefully, examining both options -jerking off in the living room or, well, not jerking off in the living room - thoroughly. He finally decided to go eat more pancakes. Jerking off in the kitchen was definitely not an option. That was just gross.

He thought of Howard panting beneath him and decided to find a bathroom. Jerk off, pee, then pancakes.

Sebastian leaned his back against the wall and carefully moved his way down the seemingly endless hallway while singing to himself.

"Masturbating and pancake makin', this is me in England, UK, you say, wine gums and bootlaces, so many tastey glazes..." Sebastian didn't normally write little songs about his day but somehow, in this house, it felt right.

He promised himself he'd return to the US a new man. He wasn't going to care about looks any more, he wouldn't worry about fashion. He'd just wear the Vince clothes he was allowed to keep until they fell off his body. Sebastian was done with the superficial, from now on, he'd be a man of substance.

A man of action.

Sebastian was so deep in thought about his new hyperbolic self view that he almost walked into a man in the hallway.

Sebastian gasped at the caramel beauty that stood before him; a shockingly handsome man dressed like Zorro.

"Are you real?" Sebastian asked as he poked the taller man's chest.

"Are you a friend of Vince's? "asked the realish-seeming man.

"Howard's," Sebastian explained, continuing when the man looked doubtful, "Well, not a friend. He picked me up at a jazz club and invited me to Pancake Night but I came wearing Vince's clothes and this whole house is filled with smoke and I was making out with Howard and Vince got upset but he gave me this amazing jacket and now I need to, um, what do you call it here? Have a wank? I need to wank it off or whatever and then I want to eat. Ugh, I'm so hungry!"

"Naboo, do you know there's a lunatic American wearing Vince's clothes in your hallway?" the man called into the air.

"Don't worry, Saboo," the lisp carried into the hallway followed by a billow of smoke, 'That's just some ballbag Howard picked up at a jazz club. I figure he's a prossie."

XXX

Vince didn't let Howard get too far away from him. The longer they went without kissing, the longer they had to think, the less likely it was that this would really happen.

Vince wanted it to happen so badly. He wanted to be Howard's first. Even if it was a one time thing and they never spoke about it again, he wanted to be the one. He should be Howard's first, he'd surely earned that privilege for his years of devotion. That little tit, Sebastian, hadn't helped Howard through the agonies that were all of Howard's hopeless crushes. Sebastian hadn't stayed at Howard's side after being told a million times to go away.

Vince shoved Howard against a wall and kissed him hard, his hand cupping the taller man's ass through his corduroys. Howard's hands were dangerously tangled in Vince's hair but he didn't care. He'd take a mangled coiffeur any day if it meant having Howard cling to him like he was hanging on for dear life.

"We should really find Sebastian," Howard panted between nips at Vince's ear.

"He's fine, Howard, he's a grown man. He'll be pleased as punch just listenin' to your rubbish jazz records."

Howard ghosted his hand over Vince's face, he looked amazed, "Of course, he'll be fine."

Vince guided them the rest of the way to their shared bedroom.

xxx

While taking off his cardigan, Howard elbowed Vince in the mouth hard enough to draw blood. Vince held his sleeve to his mouth and insisted he was fine but Howard said could taste the copper when they kissed.

Vince stumbled pulling off his boots and ended up smacking Howard in the crotch as he fell. Howard helped him up though he was wheezing in pain. It was a bad start but it would get better.

Vince pushed Howard backwards on the bed and climbed on top of him. Their teeth clanked together and Vince's hair got caught in Howard's necklace. Howard was so gentle as he disentangled Vince's dark hair from his amulet, Vince found himself giggling. Howard's face immediately turned cold. It was amazing how fast Howard could change. He'd always been that way and yet Vince was always surprised by the speed of the rejection.

Howard was already off the bed.

"Howard, what are you doing, you berk! We're in the middle of something here!" Vince yelled in frustration.

Ever since they were little it had been like this. He'd be hugging Howard and telling him stories about his imaginary jungle friends and then he'd be on the floor because Howard suddenly remembered he didn't like to be touched or because Vince had said something 'weird'. That's what Howard called any expression of sincere emotion, it was 'weird'.

"It's too weird Vince. You're bleeding and laughing and I think I might need to ice my groin..."

"We can't back out now, not when we're so close. Please Howard, it'll only take a few minutes, really." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew they were a mistake. Why didn't he ever think before he spoke?

"No need to trouble yourself, Vince," Howard snipped, "I don't need any favors from you, sir."

"C'mon, Howard," Vince fought back his instinct to be snippy as well and instead held out his hand, "This is important. I don't want to fight. I want to be nice to you. I'll make it good for you."

Howard was leaning against the wall, looking very fragile. He was nervously fussing with his hair. He needed a trim. Howard had been letting Vince cut his hair while he was awake, apparently uncomfortable with the Midnight Barber. It was easier to cut his hair when he was awake and sitting up but Vince missed the days of propping Howard up against a pillow and going at him. When Howard was awake, he was fussy and demanding. Sleeping Howard just lay there looking friendly. Everything was easier when Howard was asleep.

"C'mon, Howard, it doesn't have to be such a big deal," Vince wheedled, "just lie down and I'll take care of you, yeah?"

Howard looked less than convinced but he was lying back down on the bed. Vince decided to take it slower this time. He slowly reached for Howard's face and poked him in the eye when the Northerner suddenly turned towards him.

"Howard, I think there's something off with our chemistry," Vince suggested as Howard clutched at his watering eye, "We're usually in synch."

"It's me," Howard said quietly, 'It's me that's off..."

"HOWARD!"

Vince was going to poke Sebastian in the eye and there'd be no accident about it.

"HOWARD!"

Howard was still lying down but staring (with one eye) at the door, obviously concerned.

"He's fine," Vince whispered, brushing Howard's hair back from his face. What he could do to Howard with a little styling wax.

"He's probably fine," Howard agreed before closing his eyes. Vince took the closed eyes as a hint and kissed Howard gently on the mouth and was rewarded with a low moan. It wouldn't take long to deflower Howard but Vince wanted to take his time, enjoy the rare opportunity to kiss and hold his friend.

"It's a head! Oh my God, Howard! Help me, there's a head!" Sebastian yelled and then there was a crash.

Vince jumped off of Howard and ran towards the American's voice, hoping to reach him while his head was still attached. It was one thing to leave Sebastian on his own to wander the halls when it was just one shaman and a gorilla but if the council was there, it was time to be careful. It was only a matter of time before they did something terrible to Sebastian like slice his head off and make love the stump or worse, give him more drugs.


	8. Chapter 8

Vince found Sebastian sprawled on the stairs, upside down.

"Vince! I fell up the stairs! Can you fall _up _stairs? Please help me. Can I keep this jacket?"

The American was talking a mile a minute as Vince tried to help him up from his awkward position before

Howard made his way down the stairs and scooped Sebastian up like a rag doll.

"Let's get you upstairs, Little Man," Howard said gently as Sebastian wrapped his arms around Howard's neck.

"Yeah, _Little Man_," Vince snapped, "Let's make sure you're well taken care of."

Howard glared at Vince but remained silent as he climbed the stairs with an armful of horny American but Sebastian looked back at Vince thoughtfully.

"Howard said he's Little Man. What does that mean?" he then turned to Howard, "Why would you be Little Man? You're kind of huge."

"It's what my Dad called me before... when I was little. It's just a nickname, it doesn't mean anything."

Vince caught the little pause in Howard's words, there was something more to that story. His suspicion was confirmed by Sebastian's comically large eyes as he mouthed over Howard's shoulder, "That means something!"

Vince should have just undone Howard's trousers and given him a blowie. It wouldn't have taken any time at all and he'd have a tender memory (and some new wanking material) and Howard would be fussing over Vince instead of Sebastian. As he stomped up the stairs, following Howard Butler and little Sebastian O'Hara, Vince wondered how long a blowjob would have held Howard's attention. Could even his first sexual experience be enough to keep him from wanting Sebastian with his perfect teeth and unlined face? Sebastian was wearing Howard's hat but it was tilted back a little and Vince meanly thought it made the American look girlish.

But it still looked good on him, as did the velveteen jacket. Everything looked good on Sebastian and Vince wanted to hate him. He wanted to hate Sebastian for looking so kissable as he gazed at Howard with strange mixture of lust and compassion. Vince wondered if Sebastian, an American raised on pop psychology and Oprah moments, wouldn't be able to plumb the depths of Howard's fractured brain and divest him of his virginity in the time it took Vince to get the big Northern berk out of his cardigan. Vince sped up, not wanting to let any space form between himself and Howard. If he looked deep into his heart, he knew he didn't want what was best for Howard. He just wanted Howard and if that made him a selfish tit, then that was just too bad. If Howard wanted to get off with Sebastian, he was getting the world's tensest threesome.

xxx

Vince was glad when Howard placed Sebastian on his own bed and not Vince's bed where they had just come so close to... whatever they had nearly done.

He was less pleased when Howard allowed himself to be pulled on to the bed next to Sebastian.

"I thought I saw a guy with a sword and a little kid and there was a pink head with tentacles..."

"That's just Tony Harrison," Vince offered helpfully, making himself comfortable on the other side of Sebastian. If they wanted to be alone, they were bloody well going to have to tell him to his face.

"What? Don't fuck with my head, Vince," Sebastian pleaded, "I'm still shaking."

Sebastian held up his shaky hands as proof. Howard gently placed his hands over Sebastian's and pressed them to the younger man's chest. Vince admired the simple blue button down the American wore. Why had Vince stopped wearing it in the first place? It had brought out his eyes so nicely. At the moment, Sebastian's own blue eyes were huge and piercingly blue.

"It's like those silly little books," Howard explained in a gentle tone, "What are they called?"

Howard was finally looking at Vince.

"The Charlie books?" he offered, trying to be helpful.

"No," Howard snapped, "The real books about the kid with the magic..."

"Harry Potter?" Sebastian answered, clearly confused.

"Yes! It's just like Harry Potter. We're Muggles and they're shamen," Howard explained, still holding Sebastian's hands.

"Oh... are they good wizards then?"

Vince and Howard exchanged a glance.

"Mostly?" Howard replied but then said with more confidence, "They mean you no harm. You're safe."

Sebastian reached up and kissed Howard softly on the lips, Howard barely flinched. Then Sebastian turned to Vince, "Can I seriously keep this jacket or should I bring it back tomorrow with the zoo jacket?"

"You can keep everything but the zoo jacket," Vince said, without thinking, "My clothes suit you."

Sebastian reached out and brushed the hair from Vince's face, "I didn't get the last part but it sounded nice. You seem very sweet. I'll bring you back your zoo jacket. It's a work of art."

"Vince, you don't need your zoo jacket," Howard snapped, finally letting go of Sebastian's hands, "It's not like you're going to wear it again. You can have mine if it's such a..."

"You kept _your_ Zooniverse jacket and chucked mine?" Vince was yelling and Sebastian was going fetal but..., "You kept yours and threw mine away!"

Howard gently patted Sebastian's back, "Quit yelling, we don't need him having a freak out. It's not like we have an ambient hut... I only have a handful of clothes, I have room to keep a sentimental item of two. You forget, sir, I'm the one who actually _wanted_ to be a zoo keeper."

"I loved the zoo!" Vince angrily swiped at the tears forming in his eyes, "Yeah, I went there to be with you but I loved the animals and the people..."

"You haven't thought about the zoo twice since we left..."

"I LOVED THE ZOO!" Vince screamed before slapping his hands over his mouth. That was the last thing he'd ever meant to yell in their home. He hoped Bollo hadn't heard.

Howard's eyes were cold but he was looking at Vince like he wanted an explanation.

Vince leaned over Sebastian and whispered, "If we stayed at the zoo, Mr. Bollo would still be dead so, yeah, I'm glad we left and we can't ever go back but that doesn't mean... Talking about missing the zoo is like saying I want Bollo to be dead again. I loved the zoo."

Vince moved back to his side of the bed and let the tears flow for the first time since agreeing to help Naboo steal Bollo. He thought of Jack Cooper and the horrible rumors they spread about Howard because it's in a fox's nature to be a bit bitchy. He thought of how nasty Tony the Prawn was until Vince made him a Gary Numan mix and cheered him up.

He didn't have to open his eyes to know it was Sebastian pulling him into a hug, he knew the smell of expensive shampoo, and he also knew it was Howard's hand patting his shoulder because... just because he knew.

"I'm sorry, Little Man," Howard's voice was rough with emotion, "I feel the same way and Bollo doesn't even like me! Friendship is more important than any job. I'm sorry."

When Howard pulled his hand back, Vince couldn't help but lean toward him and try and keep the contact a moment longer. He always seemed to need more than Howard wanted to give.

"I think that was a really big break-through, guys," Sebastian said as he released a still crying but calmer Vince, "Where did my glasses go?"

Sebastian patted his jacket and then Vince's until he found his thick rimmed glasses and put them on.

"It seems like there is a lot of miscommunication happening here. Let's get it out in the open! This is a safe place," Sebastian spoke with such earnestness that Vince had to bite his cheek so as not to laugh. Howard just looked uncomfortable.

"I think we've talked enough, why don't we see if we can get you a cab ride to your friends' flat. They must be worried about you," Howard suggested, at long last moving _away_ from Sebastian.

Sebastian nodded his head and looked thoughtful as Howard spoke, "I hear what you're saying, Howard, but no. We're not ignoring this whole Little Man business. I'm not getting into the whole zombie gorilla thing because I'm not sure I actually heard that right but the Little Man thing has been happening all night."

"It's no big deal," Vince offered, feeling bad for Howard. Howard could be a wanker but he didn't deserve to be psychoanalyzed by a stoned American. No one needs that.

"It's a big deal to you," Sebastian said in a quiet but firm voice, his eyes boring into Vince's soul.

"What do you do for a living?" Vince asked, feeling a sudden need to hide.

"I sell insurance and I am fucking good at it so don't bother trying to avoid eye contact," Sebastian explained without blinking.

"Howard sometimes calls me Little Man. It started when I got really pissed and..." Vince felt a flush spreading up his neck, "and I got really sick. It just stuck."

Sebastian turned his cerulean lasers on Howard who actually ducked.

"And your father called you Little Man before...?"

"The accident," Howard supplied with some hesitation, "I was in a car accident. It was a long time ago..."

"Howard didn't talk for a year!" Vince hadn't intended to jump in but it was a tidbit about Howard that never ceased to amaze him. Vince had never gone an hour without speaking.

Sebastian pushed his glasses right above his eyes and stared at Howard, not saying anything.

Howard shrugged with clearly forced indifference, "Selective mutism, I didn't speak for a year and then I did and I was able to go back to school and met Vince..."

"You moved to London after the accident?" Sebastian asked, pulling his knees up to his chin and looking serene and thoughtful.

"We had to see specialists to make sure there wasn't anything really wrong with me and that it was all just in my head," Howard explained as he backed towards the door.

"And your dad stopped calling you Little Man and it was all in your head?"

Vince wanted to jump in and defend Howard, it's not like he'd been making up his problems, but there was something palpable hanging in the air between Howard and Sebastian. Vince held his tongue.

"Yup. Do you remember the address of your friends' flat?"

"I'm sorry, Howard," Sebastian spoke in a hypnotically level voice.

Howard disappeared out the door.

Sebastian sighed as he looked at the closed door, "I don't know if it's the weed or what but I have an equally strong desire to find that man a good therapist and suck his dick. Howard's dick, not the therapist's."

Vince nodded his understanding.

Sebastian wrapped his arms around Vince and pulled them both down on to the bed, "Let's snuggle until Howard gets rid of me."

"Howard doesn't want to get rid of you," Vince tried to speak slowly and clearly so the American would understand him.

"I make him uncomfortable," Sebastian replied as he kissed Vince's jaw line, his hand sliding up Vince's tee-shirt to tweak a nipple, "He's been trying to get rid of me all night."

"He's just worried about you, he doesn't want to take advantage," Vince explained, grabbing Sebastian's wrist as it tried to make its way below Vince's waist, "You're shit-faced, Sebastian."

Sebastian nodded and moved his hand to Vince's arse, "Yeah, weed makes me crazy horny. I was kind of hoping for a three-way a few minutes ago but that's kind of advanced gay shit and I'm really just a beginner. It's probably better if nothing happens, tonight. Do you think he'll even speak to me tomorrow?"

Vince went all shaky as Sebastian ran his finger along the seam of Vince's jeans, "Course he will. You can take him to a jazz club or even just a hotel if you want..."

"Why are you trying to help me fuck Howard when you're in love with him?" Sebastian asked as he kissed his way down Vince's neck.

"I just want him to be happy," Vince explained before bursting into tears for the second time in ten minutes.

Maybe Sebastian has a higher tolerance for crying men, not being British and all, but Vince was impressed by the other man's calm as he wept on the American's shoulder.

"There, there, Little Man," Sebastian murmured gently, "It'll all turn out fine."


	9. Chapter 9

It all seemed so obvious as Sebastian ran his finger's through Vince's shiny black hair. Nicknames always have meaning.

He scrubbed at what remained of Vince's eye make-up, he didn't like to see him looking messy.

"It's all right, Little Man, Howard loves you," he promised as Vince tried to take deep breaths. Sebastian had never been in love and he felt a bit sad about it. Who would Sebastian ever cry over?

Vince squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head as though he could shake off the unhappy feelings.

"C'mon, Blondie. You're having a nightmare."

Sebastian recognized that sneering voice, it was the caramel delight from the hallway.

"Your friends are at 54B Reading Street," Saboo declared, holding out a hand for Sebastian.

"Did you use your Shaman powers to figure that out?" Sebastian asked in awe as Saboo yanked him off the bed and onto his feet.

"No, I live at 56B Reading Street and noticed they were short one stupid hipster in Buddy Holly glasses. Now let's get out of here before our menses synch up," Saboo snapped with a meaningful glare at the still sniffling Vince.

"Thanks, Saboo," Howard said warmly. Sebastian hadn't even seen Howard in the doorway.

"Try not to pick up any more American twinks," Saboo said dryly, "I'm not a taxi service. Berk."

Sebastian returned Howard's awkward wave and he was dragged down the hall by Saboo.

"I'll call you!" he promised.

"You really needn't bother," was Howard's reply.

xxx

Vince tried to pull himself together, "Wow, Howard. You really know how to pick a dinner guest. Want to watch some cartoons and call it a night?"

Howard pushed the door closed and leaned against it with his eyes closed, "Do you think...?"

"What is it, Howard?"

"What we were doing earlier?"

Vince's heart skipped a beat and then lodged itself in his throat, "Um, sure. I mean, of course, Howard."

He started to pull off his school jacket but Howard said "don't" so he didn't. Instead, he sat still on the bed as Howard turned off the light. The city lights poured through the blinds so it was never really dark in their room, but the relative darkness made Vince feel shy. When Vince had sex, he liked to be well lit.

Howard sat next to him on the bed and placed his hands on Vince's shoulders. When he spoke, his voice was husky, "This jacket suits you. I've missed it."

"You hated it when I wore this jacket! You said..."

"I know what I said," there was a weariness in Howard's voice that made Vince feel worried, "I don't want to talk right now."

Vince nodded silently, the desire to ask "why?' bubbling inside him so hard he felt like a bottle of champagne. He stayed silent as Howard slid off his jacket and ran his hands over Vince's chest. Vince wanted to apologize for his boniness and point out it would probably be better for Howard to look at him in the light rather than just feel all his pointy edges. Howard, on the other hand, felt big and strong but also soft. He was made for a late night snuggle.

Vince was passive as Howard pulled his tee-shirt off but the slight chill in the air sent him snuggling into Howard's chest. Howard held him and kissed his hair before laying Vince down on the bed and moving to the waistband of his jeans. There were so many things he wanted to say but he had a feeling Howard was right. It was better if they didn't talk. Anything Vince had to say would just make things 'weird'.

Howard struggled a little with Vince's belt but shooed away Vince's efforts to help. In the silence, Vince could hear the change in Howard's breathing as he pulled down Vince's jeans and pants, leaving him totally nude and Howard fully dressed minus his cardigan.

Vince whimpered when Howard pressed his lips to his old burn scar, his soft hair brushing against Vince's erection. Repeated Sebastion snogs mixed with coming so close with Howard had left Vince's genitals exhausted and confused but still up to the challenge that was Howard Moon. Howard's lips moved over the scar and to Vince's inner thigh, kissing and sucking so gently Vince wanted to ask for more but he was determined to be quiet for once. Maybe Howard had gained some wisdom in his quiet year and that was why he always seemed so much more mature than Vince.

Howard knelt at the foot of the bed and tugged Vince towards him, pressing at the back of Vince's thighs until he found himself with his legs parted wide and his knees in the air. He felt absurdly exposed and vulnerable as Howard licked the back of his thighs and then his testicles, his mustache scratching his most sensitive skin.

"Howard?"

"Yeah?"

"I wish you'd say something, I feel a bit nervous here." Vince's light tone cracked, making his actual nerves clear.

"Do you want me to stop?"

For a moment, Vince thought Howard was teasing but a look at his earnest face told him the Northern loon was being completely serious.

"No, I don't want you to stop, I just want..."

Vince lost his train of thought as Howard's mouth returned to his gentle and amazingly thorough exploration of Vince's pelvic region. Just as Vince began to wonder if Howard was even going to put his tongue _there_, Howard went and put his tongue there.  
>Vince let out a stream of half-formed obscenities as he fisted the sheets and wondered how things had gotten so turned around. Surely, it should be Howard whimpering and begging for more as Vince did all sorts of unhygienic things with his mouth.<p>

Vince reached between his legs to run his fingers through Howard's soft hair but the taller man immediately tensed and pulled away from Vince's touch.

Vince yanked his hand back, embarrassed, and mumbled an apology.

Howard rested his head against Vince's thigh for what felt like something between 15 seconds and three hours before he reached up and took Vince's hand - pulling it to his mouth and kissing the palm. Considering what Howard had just been doing with his mouth, the gesture shouldn't have felt quite to intimate but Vince couldn't breath until Howard let his hand go.

"I'm sorry, Vince. I can't help it. I've tried."

Vince tried to think of something profound to say, something that would let Howard know that it was all right to be a bit damaged because Vince loved him just as he was but Vince was never very good with words. As he tried to think of something to say, Howard's tongue pressed its way back inside Vince's body and the only words he could think of were, "Fucking hell, Howard."

Howard held his hips firmly as Vince squirmed, "Okay, Howard. Okay. I'm ready. Fucking hell, I'm ready."

Howard replaced his tongue with two fingers as he turned his attentions to Vince's neglected cock. Vince had never been blown by a man and was shocked at how easily Howard was able to take his length. With his big hands and big mouth and, well, big everything; Howard was doing a terrible job at losing his virginity but Vince felt ready to shatter into a million pieces. He tried to warn Howard he was about to come but Howard either ignored him or didn't understand Vince's, "Fu-hu-huck!" to be a warning. Rather than pull back in disgust, Howard continued to lick and suck at Vince's pulsating cock as he gently removed the fingers that had been stretching Vince so delightfully.

Vince was shaking and pulled himself into a ball, waiting for the aftershocks to pass. It had been a while, period, but it had been a _long_ while since someone had wrung him out so thoroughly. He bones felt like they had melted.

He looked at Howard sheepishly, intending to make some kind of cheeky remark to break the tension when he realized Howard was still on his knees on the floor.

He began to ask, "What are you doing, Howard?" but before the words were out of his mouth, he realized what Howard was doing. He was stroking his own cock and not in a languorous 'getting ready for some bumming' way but in a furtive 'I need to finish this wank before someone knocks on the bathroom door' kind of way.

"Don't do that, you berk! I'm supposed to take care of that! Get up here, you big Jazzy freak. You're supposed to be losing your virginity here," Vince ordered. Howard looked guilty but he adjusted himself and gingerly crawled onto the bed, lying down next to Vince - his eyes fixed on the ceiling. Even in the darkened room, Vince could see his embarrassment.

Vince tried to put a gentle hand on Howard's chest but Howard flinched and then apologized without ever looking in Vince's direction.

"What do you want to do, Howard? I'm up for anything. I can give you a blowie or you can top me or maybe I should get you off now and then you can fuck me later because it will last longer that way," Vince offered, trying to be helpful, "I might be a bit rubbish at it but..."

Howard rolled onto his side and pulled Vince close.

"Are you cold?" Howard asked, his face buried in Vince's hair, "Do you want a blanket over you?"

"I'm fine," Vince answered, more than a little confused, "You're plenty warm."

It was true, Howard had Vince pulled tight to his roll neck covered chest and it was downright cozy. Howard was still wearing his corduroys as well but they were unzipped and out of the way enough for Vince to feel an impressive erection against his bare thigh. Howard pulled Vince's hand to his cock and gently wrapped Vince's fingers around his length, as though Vince wouldn't know what to do without guidance. He kept his bigger hand over Vince's as Vince began to work Howard's cock. Howard mouthed Vince's neck and ear and let out the occasional whimper as Vince tried to figure out the best angle and the best tempo. It would have been better with some lubricant or even some spit but he was afraid to interrupt the moment. He just tried to be gentle and not chafe Howard's skin.

Howard whispered something in Vince's ear but it was muffled and Vince was distracted.

"What was that, Howard?"

"I just said thank you," Howard cleared his throat and said in a slightly louder voice, "Just thank you. Thank you."

Howard made a disappointed sound when Vince let go of his cock but he immediately released Vince's hand. He also made no effort to resist as Vince pushed him onto his back and crawled on top of him, and when Vince ran his tongue across Howard's lips, he hesitantly opened his mouth and let Vince explore.

Vince giggled into Howard's mouth and said, "This is well kinky."

Howard averted his gaze, "You don't have to kiss me..."

Vince silenced his nonsense with another kiss. Vince wasn't the smartest person on the planet but he knew you didn't do the things Howard had done to Vince because you wanted a dry fisted hand job in return.


	10. Chapter 10

It was less of a house of cards than a palace. It covered the entire sideboard and required every souvenir deck of cards his father had ever collected. Howard surveyed his masterpiece with pride, for once unable to find a single flaw in his creation. He was so absorbed in his thoughts, he didn't hear his father enter the room.

If he'd been able to prepare himself, he would have enjoyed the feeling of his father's hand on his shoulder. He would have been grateful for the increasingly rare display of fatherly affection.

Instead, he instinctively leapt away from the unexpected contact and bumped the sideboard. As Howard watched two days of work collapse in the blink of an eye, his father yelled, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

It wasn't something his father normally said out loud but the question was written across his face on a daily basis. Howard could talk. He talked in his sleep. All the specialists said he was fine. It was psychological. He was just mental.

Howard didn't flinch when his father grabbed him by the arm and spun him around, he could see it coming. As his father shook him and repeated his inquiry with even saltier language, Howard remembered how he had seen the car coming towards him and how he had known the car was coming for _him_. No one was injured in the accident but Howard.

"I want to go back to school."

His voice was raspy from lack of use and it sounded strange to his own ears. It was nice to see his father smile and even nicer to see his Mum look happy for the first time in months when she ran into the room. They took him out for ice cream and when they came home, his father joked that they should rebuild his card palace but this time they'd use Pritt Stick.

Howard smiled and said, "Sure, Dad," but he knew there wasn't enough adhesive in the world to keep him from destroying the things he cared about.

xxx

Howard ran his hands over Vince's painfully thin body and tried not to worry about Sebastian. Saboo was probably the most sensible member of the Shaman council.

And the sequined navy blue was probably the most sensible of Vince's jumpsuits. The American was probably snogging Tony Harrison while Dennis stood over them stroking his sword.

Yet another Moon casualty.

"Are you thinking about Sebastian?"

Howard was startled by Vince's clairvoyance.

Vince let out a mirthless laugh and lifted himself off of Howard. For a moment, Howard thought Vince was going to leave but instead the younger man simply sat straddling Howard's waist, completely naked, and mussing his own hair. Vince only messed up his precious hair when he was overly tired or upset.

Howard gave Vince's thigh an awkward pat, "It's been a long day for you, Little Man, maybe you should get some sleep."

Vince tugged at the bottom of Howard's sweater, wearing an unusually pensive expression.

He wished Vince would just take the out and stop trying to be so nice. He felt pathetic enough without Vince's well-meaning pity.

"S'all right," Vince said after some thought, "I don't mind if you think about Sebastian. He's all right, yeah? Good taste in clothes n'all."

Before Howard could respond or decipher his friend's ramblings, Vince was kissing him again, his agile tongue teasing the inside of Howard's mouth. Now that he had something to compare it to, Howard could appreciate Vince's kisses even more. There was something so tender about the way he used his lips and tongue. Howard had tried to imitate Vince's technique when he'd made love to Vince (and it had been making love for Howard) and while he was sure he didn't come close in skill, Vince had seemed to enjoy the experience. Howard would never forget the sounds Vince had made or the sweet look on his face and Howard utterly failed to explain why he couldn't enjoy a simple, friendly touch.

Howard felt a rush of embarrassment as he thought about what he had so recently done to his best friend. It wasn't exactly what he'd had planned but Vince had been so quiet and agreeable. Howard had taken his time and given Vince plenty of opportunity to stop him.

Would Vince have stopped him? His lifelong mate had seemed so jealous and threatened by Sebastian who was clearly only interested in Howard when Vince was out of the room. Howard felt confident that Sebastian would have snogged Kodiak Jack with same fervor he'd kissed Howard. The kid was off his tits. If anything, it should have been Howard who was jealous of Sebastian, with his perfect skin and flat stomach, kissing and caressing Vince and telling him how beautiful he was when Howard had never dared.

Had never dared until tonight.

He couldn't believe Vince was willing to kiss him after all that. How were they going to look each other in the eye with Vince knowing the depths of Howard's perversion?

But then, nothing ever seemed to bother Vince. Howard was a mental case who didn't speak for a year. Vince thought it was "genius". Howard panicked when people, even close friends, touched him. Vince said, "Okay." Howard's parents dumped him with Vince's father his last year of school so they could move back to Leeds and try to save their marriage; Vince threw a party to celebrate.

Howard couldn't trust himself not to coerce a stoned stranger into sex so Vince offered himself up in Sebastian's place; doggedly trying to make it work through Howard's panicky awkwardness and a split lip.

Even though it had broken his heart to see Vince still crying over Howard's thoughtless comments about the zoo, it still turned him on to watch his friend being groped by the amorous Sebastian. He tried to convince himself it would be all right if he didn't ask anything of Vince, if he just got Vince off without expecting anything in return. In reality, whatever pleasure Vince had received from the experience was nothing compared to Howard's. He'd been fantasizing about his beautiful friend for so long, it felt like a sickness.

Howard ran his fingers through the raven black hair and tried to emulate Vince's kisses - knowing his attempts were awkward at best. He felt oversized as he held Vince, like a grown-up sitting at a child's desk.

Vince was tugging at the bottom of his rollneck and Howard reluctantly sat up and allowed himself to be stripped of the garment. Vince immediately zeroed in on the scars on Howard's shoulder, the only physical damage from the car accident. Vince pushed Howard onto his back and kissed and licked the scars with surprising eagerness. Vince had been rather passive, maybe even reluctant during their earlier interactions. For all his seeming confidence as he rattled off a shopping list of things he was willing to do, when it had actually come time to touch Howard - he'd been clearly uncomfortable. His touch had been so light that, keyed up as he was, Howard worried he wouldn't be able to get off.

Howard groaned as Vince sucked on his nipple, he had never really thought of men's nipples as have a purpose other than gauging really cold weather.

Vince laughed, "Like that?"

"Mmm-hmm."

Vince moved to the other nipple as his hand stroked the thin lines of Howard's scars.

As Vince scooted backwards, his backside brushed against Howard's erection. Vince jumped and covered his face, giggling, "Oi. This is well weird, Howard."

Howard had to smile at Vince's childish reaction. Nothing in the cold and ugly real world seemed to touch or change Vince, he just stayed the same sweet lunatic who had seen Howard as "well funny" as a child when everyone else saw "deeply troubled" or "future sociopath".

"You don't have to do this, Vince..."

"I want to! I can do this," Vince insisted vehemently as he reached back to stroke Howard's cock with the same reticent grip, "Just give me a chance."

Howard took a deep breath and rolled Vince onto the bed so he could stand up. He was never going to be able to think clearly with Vince touching him and he needed a moment to think. There had to be something they could do that wouldn't make Vince uncomfortable.

Maybe something Vince would be willing to do again in the future. Howard shook his head. It wasn't time to start deluding himself that this was anything but a one time event. The delusions could wait until tomorrow.

"No!" Vince yelled loud enough to make Howard jump, "You always do this! I make one little mistake and you're done with me. What makes Sebastian so fucking perfect and special and worthy? Cause he likes jazz? Big deal! How's liking jazz going to save you from Mod wolves or getting married to a merman? Cause he wears stupid glasses so he must be smart like Gideon and Milky Joe? They never did nuthin' for you but make you feel bad about yourself. You think someone can't be smart unless they see something wrong with you and you think I'm stupid because I love you."

Howard felt the familiar seizing of the vocal chords and the accompanying panic. He didn't notice Vince reaching out for him. When the hand touched his arm, he slapped it away defensively and watched Vince's face fall like a palace of cards.


	11. Chapter 11

Saboo's bedroom looked like a Voodoo whorehouse and it was working for Sebastian.

Saboo was running his fingers over Sebastian's ass and found the two small holes in the denim.

Holes from where Vince was apparently bitten by a homophobic snake.

When he'd met Vince, all he'd heard was "lapel", "How Moon", "Jack Cooper", "boots" and "buttons". Howard had filled in the rest later. Sometime before Sebastian had shoved his tongue down his throat.

"No pants?" Saboo said with a smirk as he worked his fingers into the holes.

"I'm wearing pants, dumbass, you're touching them right now," Sebastian snapped, wishing Saboo wouldn't talk. He was so beautiful but he was kind of a dick.

When Saboo looked confused, it clicked in Sebastian's brain, "Pants! Pants are underwear here. No, my pants are probably in Argentina hooking up with a g-string and I'm here, going commando in another man's fatigues."

"Christ, you're worse than Dennis," Saboo sneered, "A little second hand smoke and you're a retard."

"And hooking up with someone who thinks he's a fucking shaman. Don't forget, Malfoy, you were my third choice tonight: right after Magnum, PI and Joan Jett. You're just lucky weed makes me so horny," Sebastian retorted and he stroked Saboo through his tight black pants. Saboo didn't look quite so superior with his big brown eyes nearly rolling back in his head.

"Are those glasses even prescription or are they purely decoration?" Saboo asked as he pulled off Sebastian's glasses and looked through the lenses.

Sebastian blushed, "I have an astigmatism! You're hair looks like cotton candy."

"Hands off the hair!"

Sebastian's conscience whispered, _You really should use a condom_, as Sebastian allowed his/Vince's jeans to be tugged off, leaving him completely naked.

"Do you have any condoms?"

Saboo gave a superior sneer, "I'm a shaman."

"Does that mean you can do some kind of magic spell instead of using a rubber?" Sebastian asked as his conscience whispered, _Seriously, use a condom! He's wearing leather pants!_

"No," Saboo explained as he pulled a pack of condoms from his back pocket, "It means I get laid _all_ the time. And I get a 10% discount at Shamansbury's."

Sebastian could barely hear his conscience over his own moans as it whispered, _Really? Anal with a total stranger wearing leather pants? Don't swear so much, you sound slutty. Don't bite my hair!_

No, that voice was real. That was Saboo.

_Hey, that pink thing is watching. Tell him to go away. Don't let him watch! Don't let him join in! I don't care what shape his penis is, he DEFINITELY needs to wear a condom! Put one on each of his tentacles, while you're at it._

xxx

Vince was approaching Howard like he was a dangerous animal. He moved slowly with his hand out, palm up. He should have run by now but instead he was still there, still naked and still caring. Sometimes Vince's kindness made Howard hate himself even more.

Vince settled on his knees in front of Howard and slowly stroked Howard's thighs through his unbuttoned cords.

"I'm sorry, Howard, I didn't mean to yell at you. I know you're nervous. S'all right, Howard."

Every time it happened, Howard wondered if it would be forever this time. Maybe he'd never be able to speak again. It took four months of silence for his father to stop calling him "Little Man". His mother had gone the opposite route, only referring to him as "sweetie" or "darling" like she was trying to remind herself she loved the weird little stranger who had replaced her son.

Vince's hands moved to Howard's waist, hesitating a moment before pulling down the undone corduroys and pants.

Howard had remained half-hard even as Vince yelled at him. Now he could feel the younger man's breath on his skin and his body was responding shamelessly.

"S'all right, Howard," Vince promised, his tone reassuring but his big eyes full of worry. It wouldn't matter to Vince if Howard never spoke again. He'd create a new kind of sign language for just the two of them and spend the rest of their days intentionally mistranslating Howard's words: giving Howard cupcakes for breakfast when he asked for pancakes, signing Howard up for knitting classes instead of jazzercise. Vince would continue their double act forever. He's always rather assumed that when Vince found the right girl, he'd just bring her to live in the room he shared with Howard and Vince would remain single until he found a girl daft enough to go along with the arrangement. Vince was as loyal as the day was long. It would take a lot for Howard to chase him away.

Not that he hadn't given it the old college try.

Vince was hesitant as he took Howard in his mouth and he kept looking up at Howard as though looking for guidance , like Howard had a clue how to proceed. Vince hadn't seemed concerned about Howard's lack of skill or finesse. He'd simply used the varying coherence of Vince's mumbling as a guide. If he could understand what Vince was saying, he knew he wasn't applying enough pressure.

Howard touched the side of his friend's face and Vince's eyes closed as he began to suck Howard with more vigor and enthusiasm. Howard tangled his fingers in Vince's hair and tried very hard not to move.

"You're not stupid," he whispered. _Just very misguided._

Vince paused his activities, leaving his hand wrapped around Howard's twitching cock, and gave Howard a cheeky grin, "Well, I'm not that bright either."

Howard bent over awkwardly and kissed Vince, hoping his friend would understand the things he seemed physically incapable of saying.

Vince looked a bit confused but he smiled brightly and took Howard back into his mouth. Howard tried to keep Vince from taking him too deeply and gagging until Vince yelled at him to, "quit bossin' me around!"

Howard touched Vince's face, tracing his pointed features until the younger man flushed and batted his hand away. Just when he thought he knew everything about his best mate, he learned something new. It _was_ possible to make Vince self-conscious.

Would wonders ever cease?

Vince took Howard as deep as he could manage and worked the rest of his length with his hand, his other hand gently stroking Howard's rear end. Howard looked down in amazement, not even on the internet had he seen such a wildly erotic image and he'd once used Bob Fossil's computer with clearing the browser history first.

Howard stroked Vince's shiny black hair and mumbled inane things like: "thank you", "s'good" and "Oh, Vince". No clever turns of phrase for Howard Moon, no grand declarations. It was Howard's understanding that declarations of love to someone sucking your cock were not generally perceived as sincere.

Vince seemed to like hearing his name, he would moan at the sound and Howard felt the resulting vibrations all the way in his toes. He tried, "Thank you, Vince" and "So good, Vince" and was rewarded with a series of moans that were soon to be his undoing.

As much as he would have like to prolong the activities, he was losing control and Vince's jaw was surely hurting.

"Nearly there, Vince. Nearly there."

Vince let Howard's cock slip from his mouth and looked up with his disconsertingly innocent eyes and asked, "Where do you want to come?"

The words made the question moot. When Howard opened his eyes, mortified, Vince was looking at his chest and pulling a face.

"Howard, that was well filthy!" Vince observed, astutely in Howard's opinion, before turning serious and asking, "S'all right, Howard?"

"More than all right, Little Man," Howard chuckled, still feeling a bit embarrassed about his loss of control, "Perfect. Amazing. Beautiful."

Howard ran his hand along Vince's jaw and hoped his friend knew he wasn't just talking about the blowjob.

xxx

Vince looked around for something to use for clean-up but Howard stepped in with a handkerchief that must of have been in the pocket of the cords. He flushed as Howard wiped his chest, the mundane task throwing the enormity of what had just happened into sharp relief.

Howard was pink and his squinty eyes had that smiley look that Vince was always trying to inspire. No way would Sebastian have appreciated this moment like Vince. He gave Howard a kiss on the cheek and was surprised when Howard moved in for a proper kiss before pulling Vince to his feet. Vince didn't let go of Howard's hand, he held it and stared at his feet as he asked Howard, "Wanna sleep in my bed? With me, that is? Both of us in the same bed?"

Howard looked uncomfortable but agreed before Vince could withdraw the invitation and turn it into a joke. Under the covers, Howard allowed himself to be properly snuggled. Vince tried to make himself feel sleepy but he'd already started getting hard again while going down on Howard and hearing his name in that raspy way. Lying in Howard's arms and feeling a big, warm hand stroking his back was only making the problem, well, grow.

He tried to find a position that would keep Howard from feeling his erection but the Northerner chastised him for squirming and Vince was promptly pinned to his friend's side, his hard-on pressed against Howard's hip.

Howard tucked Vince's hair behind his ear and ran his thumb along Vince's eyebrow.

"You're so beautiful," Howard said in a husky voice that immediately brought Vince to full-mast.

"I look like a Muppet in a fright wig."

Howard chuckled, his chest rumbling beneath Vince's cheek, "A very beautiful Muppet."

"Why did you give away my zoo jacket?"

It was the last thing he meant to say. It was like Howard-specific Tourette's. He fantasized about these meaningful little moments with Howard but any time there was a chance of things getting serious, Vince stomped on it until it crumbled like peanut brittle. He waited to be pushed away.

"I didn't see them," Howard answered, still stroking Vince's hair, "I just saw some old clothes at the bottom of the closet in a box. I only looked at what was on top and it was things you hadn't worn in years and years. I never would have gotten rid of the Zooniverse jacket or the How Moon? jacket. I'd have hid them in _my_ closet and just taken everything else to the second hand shop."

Vince growled and mimed biting Howard's nipple. Then he licked it and Howard came as near to purring as the mature man of action would allow himself. He'd been hiding them from himself, tired of seeing them and feeling sad.

Vince panicked for a moment when Howard rolled him onto his back but, this time, Howard didn't leave. He gave Vince a deep kiss, his tongue lightly running over Vince's teeth. The man had come a long way in a short time.

"I'm sorry about the jackets," Howard whispered between kisses, "I'm sorry I made you cry. I'm sorry I made you feel stupid."

Vince couldn't imagine holding a grudge when Howard was starting to get hard again.

"I'm **not** sorry I messed things up with Sebastian," Vince responded, with a cockiness he didn't feel, "I'm glad it was me, but I hope he still gives me the jacket back".

Howard tucked his face in Vince's shoulder, "I wouldn't worry. We could always send Tony Harrison after it."

Vince giggled, "Yeah, he'll be begging you to save him again. 'Oh, Howard! Take me in your big Northern arms!' How come when I ask you to carry me up the stairs, you say I'm too heavy?"

"Because I have to carry you up the stairs all the time when you pretend you're sleeping on the couch."

"I am sleeping!" Vince cried, "I just pretend not to wake up when you shake me."

"You're a brat."

"You love it."

"I love you."

The Northerner's big, cuddly body tensed up as soon as he said the words. Vince wrapped his arms and legs around Howard like face hugger from the _Alien_ movies and said, "I love you, too," before he had a chance to escape.

Howard let out a heavy sigh and tucked his head back into Vince's shoulder.

"I'll never understand why."


	12. Chapter 12

_I was made for loving you, baby_

_You were made for loving me._

Vince covered Howard's lips with his own. He tasted like coffee, and his mustache was scratchy.

_And I can't get enough of you, baby_

_Can you get enough of me?_

It was such a rubbish Kiss song but it was the only disco song he could think of. The instructor said to think of disco songs.

Vince put the heel of his hand in the middle of Howard's chest, placed the other on top, interlocked his fingers, and began the compressions.

_I was made for loving you, baby_

_You were made for loving me._

_And I can't get enough of you, baby_

_Can you get enough of me?_

It worked out almost perfectly. On chorus, thirty compressions. He squeezed Howard's nose shut, tilted his head back and gave him two more breaths.

He sang the chorus over and over in his head until he was physically pulled off of Howard by a medic. He hadn't even heard them arrive.

He stood back and watched them work, fully convinced that it was only a matter of time until Howard's heart started beating again. It was Howard's turn to buy, but drinks would be on Vince tonight. They'd go to the pub and Howard would drink his lager or his whiskey neat, and Vince would have a whiskey sour with extra cherries, and they would totally fail to pull, and go home to their boarding house, and watch TV in Howard's room. That's what they did on Fridays. They went to the pub, and struck out with girls. They didn't die. That would be a rubbish tradition.

xxx

They zipped Howard up in a bag like he was bit of leftover steak, and put him in the ambulance.

The medics wrapped Vince in a blanket and told him he was in shock. He couldn't stop shivering. They let him get in the ambulance with Howard but they made him lie down, telling him he needed to relax. They kept telling him he was 'in shock' like it was news to him. He went to fetch his best mate in the world so they could head down to the pub, and found him dead in a gorilla suit. Of course, he was in shock. It was a shocking thing to happen. That still didn't explain why he felt so cold.

xxx

Naboo magically appeared in Vince's examination room. Or maybe he just walked in through the curtain. Vince was a little out of it.

"Naboolio, they're making me stay here because I'm shocked that Howard is dead and, I'm cold."

"You're not shocked, you're in shock, you muppet. It's a serious medical condition," Naboo's harsh words were softened by the gentle hand he put on Vince's forehead, "Before you ask, yes, there are ways to bring people back from the dead and, no, I'm not going to do it. I could have Howard back alive but he wouldn't be Howard for long. He'd change and not in a good way. It's bad ju-ju."

"But it's possible? He can come back to life?" Vince was still freezing, but he no longer felt like there was a bony hand clutching his heart.

Naboo rolled his eyes, "I just said that! Look, Vince, I'll ask around. Death's a funny thing - very political. If there's a way for him to come back through the proper channels, I'll help you out. If not - you're going to have to let him go."

Vince wrapped his arms around the tiny shaman, breathing in the smell of exotic spices and expensive weed, "Thanks, Naboolio, I knew you'd be able to sort it!"

Naboo pushed Vince away, "Don't wrinkle to robes! And don't get your hopes up."

It was like telling a helium balloon not to move upwards.

xxx

Even as he wrote V.I.P. on Howard's casket, he knew it wasn't real. He just wanted Howard to know... He wasn't sure what but he felt certain that Howard would want to be sent off in style.

Vince didn't call Howard's parents. He didn't even tell Leroy. He just waited for the opportunity to bring Howard back. During the day, he was full of optimism and confidence, Naboo was a genius and Howard was good at talking his way out of things.

"Maybe Howard can challenge Death to a game of chess," Vince suggested to Naboo as they looked for a train song for Howard's funeral.

"Howard's a lousy chess player, Vince."

It was true, chess made Howard panic.

"Scrabble! No one can beat Howard at Scrabble! He knows every X word there is!"

Naboo frowned, "What did I say about getting your hopes up?"

Tears stung Vince's eyes but he forced a smile, "I know but... if there's a chance for him to come back, you'll help me. Right?"

"Of course, Vince. Howard may be a bit of a ballbag but..."

"But what?"

"Nothin'. He's a ballbag. I was just trying to think of something nice to say for your sake."

xxx

During the day, he thought of all the ways Howard would manage to cheat death. At night, he cried himself to sleep in Howard's bed, wearing Howard's pajamas.

xxx

He didn't tell their landlady that Howard was dead, he told her Howard had a new girlfriend.

The landlady looked horrified and hugged Vince tightly.

"That bastard! You're too good for him, anyway. He doesn't deserve a beautiful boy like you. No doubt, she's a total slag."

Vince cried in her arms. Tomorrow, he would bury his Howard. It was getting harder and harder to pretend it wasn't real.

xxx

Vince wondered if his bed would still smell like Howard the next day, even after Howard made him change the sheets. When Howard was off trying to be an actor, Vince had slept in Howard's bed and it still smelled Howardy after two weeks.

Howard was kissing and touching him everywhere and saying crazy things about how Vince was perfect and beautiful and how Howard loved him. Vince loved every minute of it. Once things went back to normal, Howard would probably take it all back but, in this moment, Howard adored him. Horny Howard was so full of love.

Vince couldn't think of the right words to use, so he tried to make it clear with his body language. He spread his legs wide so Howard was lying between them, maneuvering himself so Howard's cock was brushing against his arse as he thrust his hips into Howard's belly. He was pretty sure he was using the international sign language for, "bum me."

Howard reached beneath Vince and parted his cheeks, rubbing his cock deliberatly in the cleft.

"Um, Vince. I know this is... I don't know if I should ask... Just say no and I'll not mention it again..."

"Quit being so thick and bum me already! There's lube in the basket by the dresser and johnnies if you want one."

Howard blushed as he searched through the basket. Vince watched his friend's impressive member bobbing about and felt a little nervous. Howard turned and looked at Vince, his eyes immediately registering concern.

"We don't have to do this, Vince. We can do whatever you like. You could... you know... me."

Howard was redder than a beet and his eyes were darting around the room but there was no doubting his sincerity. Vince sat up and moved behind Howard, wrapping his arms around the big Northern git.

"I want this. I want you inside me where you belong."

Howard shook his head, "You really are a strange little creature, you know that, don't you?"

"I know that 'I was made for lovin' you, baby. You were made for lovin' me," Vince sang until Howard reached back to cover his mouth. He licked Howard's palm and ended up flat on his back, pinned by a Northern bullet.

"Not that ruddy song. You sang it every time we had to do emergency training."

"You loved those trainings!" Vince teased, "You'd run around for weeks looking for people to save. Jumping out in front of pensioners, hoping their dodgy hearts would fail. Daring small children to try and stay under water longer than a porpoise. Paying Fossil a pound to lick an electrical outlet."

Howard was trying not to laugh. It was Vince's favorite facial expression in the world. When they were little, he'd always pass notes to Howard with silly pictures and Howard would wear that very same look.

"Trying not to laugh suits you," Vince observed.

Howard shook his head, "You suit me."

Howard reached his hand between their bodies, running a slippery finger over Vince's entrance and slipping it in without breaking eye contact. Vince felt shy but he refused to look away. Afterall, he was the experienced party here. He'd had sex with 4 and 1/3 girls already. 1/3 of a girl? That's another story for another time.

Howard slipped a second finger in easily and Vince closed his eyes as he found Vince's prostate.

"That is genius," he explained to no one in particular. Howard started kissing him again and in went a third digit. Howard moved his fingers slowly as they kissed, apparently in no hurry. Howard could be like that. He always saved his dessert for AFTER his meal, even if it meant he might be too full to enjoy it. Vince always started with his pudding and ended with his veggies. Then he'd eat half of Howard's dessert for afters.

"C'mon, Howard. You'd better start comin' at me like a beam, like a wastrel..."

"Kestrel," Howard corrected, refusing to laugh.

"Whatever! Just hurry up."

"Patience is a virtue, Little Man. There are some things that can't be rushed."

"Yeah? Well, I'm still afraid Sebastian's gonna reappear, singin' songs about you under our window."

Howard's exasperated look turned to one of concern, "That's not what this is about, is it? You're not just doing this because..."

Vince slapped his hand over Howard's mouth, "I been thinkin' bout this since you started shaving when you was thirteen. Not _this_. I just figured we'd somehow rub against each other and get off. I hadn't seen any good porn yet, I was a little confused on the details."

Howard carefully pulled his fingers from Vince and moved into position, half lying on top of Vince, "Tell me if I'm too heavy. Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"You was always pushing me away," Vince explained and he reached for Howard's cock, guiding it towards his entrance, "You didn't like me touching you."

Howard pressed his way in slowly, stopping after just barely penetrating Vince's body, "Oh, for the love of Charlie Parker. It's too much, Vince."

Howard was shaking his head.

Vince stroked his friend's soft, fine hair, "It feels good, Howard. Don't worry so much. You don't have to be worried. I'm not."

Howard slowly rocked his hips, going a little deeper each time. The feeling was strange but definitely good - way more intense than the fingers.

"I thought of you, too," Howard muttered, almost to himself, "I always thought about you. Always you."

Vince squeezed Howard's ass, urging him deeper and faster. He felt a little shaky, like he'd had too much caffeine. The feeling of being penetrated moved from nearly painful, to vaguely uncomfortable to soul-shatteringly intense a little too quickly for VInce to think properly.

"Always wanted you, always loved you," he said in return, not even bothering with complete sentences.

Howard's forehead was covered in sweat and wrinkled in concentration, "So perfect. I can't..."

Vince started pulling at his own erection, "You look so nice like this, Howard. Fucking suits you. Should make it...fuck... you're new look."

Howard started moving faster and Vince held on tight with one arm, feeling the flex of Howard's muscles under his hand as roughly a million nerve endings were set on fire. It was like the time he tried X with

Leroy at a club.

Not exactly like that time. He'd spent an hour dancing wildly at the club, strange bodies pressing against his own, before heading into the parking lot to call Howard. According to Howard, Vince had yelled, "I'm on drugs! Make it stop!" over and over until Howard picked him up. He didn't remember that bit, but he remembered how good it had felt to rub his face against Howard's sweater - nuzzling him like a cat until he passed out.

"I'm almost there," he promised as he tried to bring himself off, "Try to hold on."

He didn't care so much, but he knew Howard would.

"Vince. Vince. Vince." Howard was muttering it under his breath.

"Okay, almost there. Almost," Vince promised.

Howard's thrusts were becoming less steady but harder and deeper.

Vince was quiet, as always, when he came; all his previous girlfriends had had roommates - or worse, they lived with their parents.

Seconds later, Howard was coming inside of him with a primal growl.

Thoroughly devirginized by Vince Noir, Rocking Roll Star.

Howard collapsed on top of Vince and whispered, "Thank you."

"Thank you, Howard, that was genius."

Howard looked embarrassed but proud. He made no move to pull out, he just laid there on top of Vince - sweaty and gross but still infinitely snuggly.


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Pancake Night

Author: Concupid

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: language

Summary: There has to be a morning after

Author's note: Sort of a linky type chapter

Sebastian did not wake up feeling particularly proud of himself.

It wasn't the semi-anonymous gay sex with a stranger who claimed to be a shaman. That had been pretty damn hot and, if Saboo managed to keep his snarkiness to a minimum, it just might happen again.

It wasn't the threesome with a testicle-shaped head with tentacles, Sebastian was 99% sure that hadn't really happened. In fact, he was so certain that part had been a hallucination there was pretty much _no_ amount of physical evidence that would make him think otherwise. Not even the dozens of unwrapped condoms on the ground.

He wasn't sorry he had ended up making out with a guy in socks and sandals. Even sober, he felt a flutter in his stomach when he thought about Howard. He didn't understand it, Howard was a fucking oddball with a creepy mustache and shifty eyes but there was something fragile about him that appealed to Sebastian. A wounded soul and a big dick, what a beautiful combination. Even more important than the soul/dick combo was the fact that Sebastian had been all over the guy and Howard had clearly been attracted, yet sent Sebastian home relatively unmolested. Sebastian wondered if Howard had been hesitant because of Vince. He didn't seem to pick up on the fact his 'roommate' looked at him with a kind of awestruck love but he fussed over Vince like he was a little kid.

Little man. So fucking Freudian.

He felt a little bad about making out with Vince. That had been fairly uncool. In his defense, he had no intention of fucking Vince unless Howard was involved - he just found Vince so damned kissable. He had those big eyes, the impossible accent and a kind of resilient bubbliness. Even though he was obviously and reasonably upset with Sebastian, he'd never once been unkind.

It wasn't even the thirteen or so pancakes he'd eaten that were making him feel bad, though they weren't helping, it was the fact he'd been a terrible houseguest. As he pulled his/Vince's shirt off of the ceiling fan, he wondered how he would smooth things over. His mother had taught him that when he left someone's home, it should be in better shape than when he arrived. He was pretty sure he'd left a big mess at the Moon/Noir/Turban Guy/huge fucking Gorilla residence.

xxx

Howard woke with a start.

He was in Vince's bed. Naked. With Vince. Naked Vince.

Naked in Vince's bed with naked Vince.

Vince's head was on Howard's chest, his face covered by tangled hair and his morning erection pressing into Howard's hip.

Howard's brain flooded with opposing thoughts an images, his brain literally warming from the synaptic overload.

Vince underneath him, moaning and offering gentle words of encouragement.

Vince's eyes, ice cold as he sneered, "Just to be clear, I cannot touch your shoulder but I could probably pat your cock and you'd be all right with that? Am I getting the picture here?"

"I guess he's special enough for your first time but your best mate since you were a kid? No way."

"What makes Sebastian so fucking perfect and special and worthy?"

"Talking about missing the zoo is like saying I want Bollo to be dead again."

"C'mon, Howard, it doesn't have to be such a big deal, just lie down and I'll take care of you, yeah?"

"You was always pushing me away."

"Always wanted you, always loved you."

"You think someone can't be smart unless they see something wrong with you and you think I'm stupid because I love you."

Howard gently stroked Vince's hair, not ready for the younger man to wake up. Not since he had woken up during surgery after the accident had Howard felt so wide open and exposed.

It took him a few minutes to realize it wasn't just his brain that was buzzing, it was his phone. He carefully reached for the phone, trying not to disturb Vince.

It was a text from Sebastian.

xxx

Sebastian borrowed Chris' sunglasses and one of his shirts but he had no choice but to wear Vince's jeans. No belt was going to keep Chris' khakis from falling right off of Sebastian's non-existant hips. He didn't have to wear the velveteen jacket but, fuck it looked so good on him! If Vince wanted it back, he could pluck it off of Sebastian's body over brunch.

As he tried to make himself look human, Chris teased him about going gay for the Ren Faire Jimi Hendrix and laughed hysterically at the edited version of Pancake Night.

"I can't believe you're giving back that jacket, you nearly wept for joy when you found it. I should have know then you were a poof."

Chris ruffled Sebastian's hair, in his big brother way. Sebastian checked the mirror, his hair looked better ruffled. It suited his, "What the fuck did I do last night?" look.

xxx

Sebastian added so much cream and sugar to his coffee, it was barely coffee and it tasted like an elixer from the gods. His body was aching for sugar and fat like he hadn't had enough in his pancakes hours before.

This is why he gave up weed in the first place.

Well, gave up smoking it daily, at any rate.

He fought the urge to fidget with his hair as Howard approached.

Howard looked like Sebastian felt, exhausted and drained. His small eyes were shiftier than usual.

"Hey, Howard. Where's Vince?"

Howard cringed like he'd been asked a terribly personal question.

"I couldn't get him to wake up. I think he was dreaming about Bryan Ferry."

"That's random."

"Not as random as you'd think," Howard replied with a hint of a smile.

"Holy shit! You guys hooked up last night, didn't you? No wonder you were so eager to get rid of me!"

As he sat down, Howard looked terribly serious as he swore that wasn't the reason, he'd simply been 'concerned' about Sebastian.

"Pffft, that's why you sent me home with Saboo and fucking Tony Harrison?"

"Saboo didn't..."

"He sure did!" Sebastian was touched by Howard's concerned look. It was like he was from another era. "I told him I'd see him again tonight if he promised not to be total dick so... I probably won't be seeing him. Don't look so worried, Howard! We used protection, I'm single. He's... I don't know what's going on between him and Tony Harrison."

Howard smiled a little at the last comment but his eyes were still full of worry.

"So you and Vince..." Sebastian tried to push the images out of his mind but he could feel himself blushing,

"You guys... I mean it's about time, right? He's obviously got a big thing for you and you looked ready to gut me every time I touched him. Sorry about that, by the way. He's just so..."

"You needn't explain to me, sir," Howard said, dryly.

"I'm back to sir," Sebastian observed.

"I always call people sir, sir. I'm a man of dignity and respect," the bravado was returning to Howard's voice.

"Yeah, but when I was all high and horny, I was Little Man. I think you use that nickname to infantalize

Vince and I to remind yourself we aren't appropriate sexual partners."

Howard sputtered incoherently, Sebastian continued.

"I get you didn't want to 'take advantage' of me when I was high but what about Vince? He's a grown man, he thinks you hung the moon," Sebastian's mind went blank for a moment after using the words 'hung' and 'Moon' in the same sentence but he shook it off, "So what's the malfunction with Vince? Why do you look like you went through his wallet instead of, you know, whatever it was you did last night?"

He wanted details but he knew they weren't coming from Howard. Maybe Vince would be a little more loose lipped...

"Vince... I used to go to Vince's house when were little, yeah? And his dad would always... Vince's mum died when he was two, cancer. His dad never got over it and Vince was always jumping around, dancing and singing - just trying to make his old man smile."

"My dad took off when I was six," Sebastian confessed when it became clear Howard would not continue, "I worry a lot about letting her down. I want to be a good son, maybe prove we were better off without him."

Howard gave Sebastian an awkward pat on the shoulder, his eyes full of sympathy.

"Your old man will be sorry when you're the next Charlie Mingus. You're too talented for selling insurance."

Sebastian blushed and ducked his head, forgetting not to act like a lovesick teen.

"Oh, dear," Howard whispered.

Sebastian followed his gaze and saw Vince standing across the street. Like Sebastian, he was wearing over-sized sunglasses and flared jeans with his How Moon? jacket.

"Quit looking so guilty, Howard. We're just drinking coffee. I'm drinking coffee. Where the fuck is our waitress?"

Howard looked at Sebastian like a deer ready to get plowed down by a Hummer.

"Seriously, you look crazy guilty. You're just here to get Vince's coat and some pop psychology. Chill out."

"What if he's angry," Howard said frantically, "What if he looks at me differently? He's always trusted me."

"Howard! Calm down!" Sebastian practically yelled, grabbing the older man's hand. Howard didn't pull back, rather, he gripped Sebastian's hand in a vice like grip.

It occurred to Sebastian they were now holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes at a cafe. He was doing a lousy job of not looking suspicious.

And he was still blushing. Fuck.


	14. Chapter 14

Vince kept the smile plastered to his face as he crossed the street. Howard and Sebastian were sitting at a table for two and holding hands. Vince could think of a million good reasons. Maybe it was a hand strengthening exorcise for playing the bass.

xxx

He woke up alone - the smell of Howard everywhere - and feeling not quite sore, but very aware that last night had been _real_. He and Howard had leapt across the physical boundary. Several physical boundaries, in fact. Vince pulled his sheet around him and buried his face in the pillow, not quite ready to wake up and face the day. He wanted to remember every second of the previous night, rehearse every word Howard had said, before his over-active imagination started to interfere and change things around. There couldn't be a better version. Last night had been perfect.

It would have been nice to wake up in Howard's arms (or at least near his arms) but last night had been just right.

Maybe Howard had somewhere really important to go. A jazz emergency.

He snuggled the pillow Howard had slept on and closed his eyes until his phone buzzed again.

It was a text from Sebastian inviting Vince and Howard to a cafe down the street so he could hand over Vince's zoo jacket. The message had been sent over an hour ago.

That answered the "Where's Howard?" question. Howard had crawled out of bed without waking Vince to run down and meet with Sebastian alone. Vince could think of dozens of perfectly good reasons for Howard to do such a thing. Maybe Howard had a bad dream and wanted Sebastian to analyze it. Perhaps Howard was afraid Vince wouldn't be able to resist the call of coffee and would fall back into the grips of addiction like he had that one day when he was in a band.

Maybe Howard wanted to show Sebastian all the things he'd learned about gay sex last night without Vince getting in the way.

Lots of good reasons for Howard to leave Vince's bed to hold hands with Sebastian.

He kept smiling as he approached their table. It didn't matter. Sebastian would go back to America and Howard would sulk and Vince would be there.

Unless Howard followed Sebastian to America.

If that was the case, Sebastian had better be prepared to have Vince sleep on his sofa because he wasn't getting left behind again.

xxx

Sebastian tried to pull his hand back but Howard was gripping it in terror. Damn, the man was so damaged he was nearly non-functional. Sebastian was definitely in love.

Vince was getting closer so Sebastian yanked his hand back, spilling his coffee flavored cream and sugar in the process. He leapt away from the table before it touched his clothes.

"All right?" Vince asked in a friendly tone.

"Yeah! It didn't get me," Sebastian explained, knowing he was speaking too fast and loud, "We need a waitress any way. Vince, you don't look like shit this morning, why don't you try flagging her down? She could give a fuck about me and Howard."

Vince obligingly looked around with a friendly and inviting smile and two waitresses arrived immediately to clean the mess and supply them all with hot beverages. Sebastian ordered more sugary coffee, while Vince and Howard ordered tea. Vince ordered an herbal tea. Starting a day without caffeine? After a night like they'd had? Absurd. Vince must have been powered by sunshine.

When he went to sit down, Sebastian belatedly remembered someone had swiped one of their chairs.

"Here, Vince, you sit here and I'll get back our chair." Why was he talking so loud? Sebastian grabbed a chair from a nearby table and sat next to Vince, "We had three chairs but someone stole one. Howard said you wouldn't wake up this morning. You were dreaming about Bryan Ferry? I love Bryan Ferry. Especially, "More than This". I used to sing that song when I'd do the guitar and singing thing."

Sebastian strummed his air guitar, "I could feeeeel at the time, there was no way of knowing..."

Vince and Howard were watching with interest and Sebastian felt suddenly self-conscious. He was a good singer, for a bass player. He'd always had a lot of girls telling him his voice was beautiful. That had before he cared about being a 'good' musician. Everything had been easier when he was just trying to get laid.

Their actual waitress arrived with their order and gave Vince a look up and down.

"Brothers?" she asked, pointing between Sebastian and Vince. Sebastian threw his arm around Vince and pressed their heads together, giving the waitress a flirtatious smile, "Only in spirit and love."

He could feel Howard's little eyes boring into his flesh. He let Vince go and wrapped his hands around his coffee where they would do no more harm. Vince and Howard were carefully not looking at each other and Sebastian felt a responsibility to fix things. He was an American, sticking his twice broken nose in where it didn't belong was part of his make-up. He would fix Vince and Howard, leaving them in great shape like Vietnam or Afghanistan.

"I have your jacket and couple other things I thought might be important."

Sebastian grabbed the bag and pulled out the green jacket. Vince's eyes were hidden by dark glasses but he was biting his lip as he held the lost item. Howard had a hint of a smile in his eyes.

"And there's this jacket with a flyer in the pocket..." Sebastian pulled out the colorful jacket and Vince laughed aloud.

"That's from when Howard fought a kangaroo! That was genius! You can keep the jacket if you like but this flier... Oh, this needs framed."

"What does the T. J. stand for?" Sebastian asked, looking at the flier upside down as he took back the jacket. It was pretty gorgeous.

"Tom and Jerry," responded Howard.

"Thomas Jefferson," Vince said at the same time.

The roommates shared a smile then averted their eyes.

"You guys are so funny with your double act. I would watch a show about the two of you," Sebastian said, trying to break the tension.

Vince smiled, "It would be genius! 'Oward says we 'ave a show, it just ain't showin' yet 'cept to us. When 'e wuz dead, an' 'e come give me a 'aunting - I knew it were 'im cuz 'e made a joke 'bout spendin' the budget on me 'air an' it were such a 'Owardy joke - I knew it weren't from _my _imagination."

"I understood that whole sentence!" Sebastian exclaimed, "Wait. Did you say when Howard was dead? Was that during the accident?"

Howard shook his head, "No, that was a long story. Just a bit of confusion, it all worked out in the end."

"We 'ad a fun'ral 'n effrefing."

"Vince played Thomas the Tank Engine instead of Blue Train."

Sebastian laughed but a serious look crept across Vince's face.

"Sorry, 'Oward. I couldn't find it, my mind was all confused."

"Wait," Sebastian interrupted, "Was there really a funeral? Is this still shtick?"

"Next time, maybe you can tell my parents, yeah? Be nice to have someone show up at my funeral..."

"I toldju, I wuz upset..."

"Really? Cause you didn't seem fussed at the time..."

"Seriously, was Howard really dead? I'm totally confused."

Vince and Howard were staring at each other. Vince pushed his sunglasses up so reveal his tired eyes, "I made a mess of fings, I'm sorry but I wuz right. It weren't perm'nent. We fixed it wiffout making you a zombie er nuffin'."

"Did you just think Howard was dead but he was missing?" Sebastian asked, desperately trying to make sense of the story.

"No, he wuz dead on the groun' an' I 'ad to do CPR an' effreyfink and go to 'ospital for shock. Deaf is well 'orrible. No wonder me dad was so..." Vince made an expression of dramatic sadness. Sebastian remembered what Howard had said about how little Vince was always trying to cheer up his old man.

Sebastian put his arm around Vince who moved in eagerly for a hug. Howard wasn't even glaring, he just looked saddened by Vince's words.

Vince gripped Sebastian tightly before suddenly pushing him away, "Wot else you got in that bag?"

Vince dug through the bag and laughed and told the story behind the two other jackets and a pair of bondage trousers but went silent when he pulled out a simple black sweater vest. There had been nothing special about the vest but it said Howard Moon on the breast so Sebastian assumed it went with the How? Moon jacket. It hadn't been tailored like the jacket and when Sebastian tried it on, it hung down to his knees. He was a little shorter than Vince but the sweater must have hung off Vince as well.

Vince stared at the sweater, his face unreadable.

Howard leaned forward, "Is that my jumper from school? You were really into the schoolboy look back then, weren't you?"

Vince looked Howard in the eye until the bigger man looked away, "No. You was leaving for the zoo and Tommy. I just wanted some of your fings so... I just wanted to have'em is all."

Howard was staring at his tea, his cheeks flushed.

Sebastian was quiet as long as he could manage - roughly five seconds - before blurting out, "I'm going to sing on Thursday at the Velvet Onion. I haven't sung in front of people since college. The two of you should come. I could use some friendly faces in the audience... I'm sorry. I can't stop talking. Anyway... it was great meeting you guys. Thanks for the pancakes. Sorry I got shitfaced and made out with everyone."

Sebastian nearly fell over standing up.

"What time?" Vince asked.

"What?"

"When are you on? I'll come see you."

Sebastian touched the side of Vince's face, he really was lovely. Then he pulled back awkwardly, "12:35. I know that's odd but that's what Uncle Bob said..."

Sebastian pulled his velveteen jacket around him protectively as Howard and Vince yelled, "What?" in unison.

"12:35?"

"Is Bob Fossil _your_ uncle?" Vince asked, his eyes impossibly wide.

"Yeah," Sebastian admitted as he squirmed in his seat. Uncle Bob was a bit of a touchy subject, "I don't really know the guy. I guess he came to England to avoid the draft even though the war had been over for a decade... Mom says he's special and I need to be nice to him so I'm going to sing and hopefully not suck and Uncle Bob won't have to come at me like a nun sandwich or whatever the fuck... Wait, you know my Uncle Bob?"

Vince and Howard exchanged looks and Howard responded, "Unfortunately."

Vince added, "No offense."

"He's the crazy brother of my estranged d-bag father. We're not exactly close but my mom... I'm just trying to be a good son. To her, not the d-bag. Good-bye, Vince. Howard. I hope things work out. You guys... Howard, I'm pretty sure you have PTSD and you really need a specialist for that but otherwise, you guys are really good together. Bye!"

Sebastian grabbed his bag and ran before he could say another awkward thing.

xxx

Vince watched the American retreat. The beautiful Sebastian Fossil.

"The scary thing is, I can see it. It's the eyes. He's got Fossil's eyes and cheekbones. Remember when he started at the zoo and he was skinnier? He_ had _them cheekbones..."

"Were you the one who found me in the ape enclosure?"

Howard looked so serious, Vince couldn't look him in the eye, "Yeah. Shocker, that. Your week to buy an'all."

Howard tossed some money on the cafe table and stood up. Vince stood as well, clutching his zoo jacket and Killeroo flier. Howard didn't seem in the mood to be teased about nearly shagging a Fossil.

Vince followed Howard in silence to the crosswalk and waited until it was safe-ish to walk. Howard was staring into space and when Vince touched his elbow to prompt him to cross the street, Howard pulled away, "Don't touch... Sorry, Vince. Maybe Sebastian has a point."

"Maybe. You been through a lot, right? I mean the accident and monkey hell and..."

Vince stopped talking when Howard's mouth closed over his. Vince tasted toothpaste and Earl Grey with no sugar. Large hands tangled in Vince's hair and Howard's stubble scratched his skin as the taller man deepened the kiss. Vince grabbed at Howard's Hawaiian shirt as best he could without dropping his flier or jacket and went on tiptoe - unable to get close enough to Howard. He wanted to climb him and set up camp on Mt. Howard and live there forever.

Or at least until Howard realized he was kissing another man in public and retreated in horror.

Howard kept his grip on Vince's hair as he pulled his mouth away and whispered in Vince's ear, "It scares me to love you so much, it always has," before returning lips to Vince's.

A random passerby muttered, "Bloody poofs," and Vince had to wrangle Howard across the street as his mate threatened to rearranged said passerby's entire anatomy. Howard had never learned to fight properly, always being so much bigger than the other kids in school, but he could swear like a champion. Vince laughed as the man went scrambling and the cafe waitresses applauded. The whole scene reminded Vince of when Vince Smith has looked at Howard's gift bookmark and called Vince a poof. Howard had simply stood up and looked down at Smith until the boy wet his trousers and ran. Mr. Passerby was lucky to be leaving with only slightly dampened pants. Howard wasn't coordinated and couldn't throw a punch to save his life but he had crazy eyes and a Cockney Bitch for a best mate. Vince knew how to come at someone from the side, above and below - all at the same time. He was like the Connect Four of cock-punching.


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Pancake Night

Author: Concupid

Rating: NC-17

Warning: graphic manlove, sap, mention of Bob Fossil's nipples

Summary: Howard and Vince go back to the flat

Author's note: I'm probably going to do a little Fossil monologue but the story is complete!

Vince fumbled for his keys as Howard kissed his neck and lightly ran his hands over Vince's stomach.

"We are still in public, ya know, they got decency laws n'all," Vince chided. He was out of the habit out of wearing clothing with pockets and couldn't remember where he'd put anything. The erection Howard was pressing against his backside wasn't exactly helping him to think.

"When Howard Moon is in the grips of passion, he can't be bothered with rules," Howard explained as he slipped a hand under Vince's tee-shirt, "He can't be held accountable for his actions..."

Vince let out a shuddery sigh as Howard's other hand slid down and cupped his crotch through his jeans. Privacy was over-rated anyway. He leaned back into Howard and closed his eyes.

"You really like that?" Howard asked as he stroked Vince through his jeans.

Vince could be a bit dim at times but Howard's question seemed rather mental, even for Howard.

"What are you on about?" Vince asked without bothering to open his eyes. The Northerner hadn't showered before meeting Sebastian and he smelled extra Howardy. Vince breathed him in and wondered if Sid ever got this sappy over Nancy.

Howard, man of action, plucked the house keys from Vince's jacket pocket and opened the door. As soon as they were inside, Vince was pinned against the door and Howard was pulling off his How Moon jacket. His zoo jacket and flier were already on the steps.

"Naboo and Bollo will be waking up eventually," Vince warned as he lifted his arms to be stripped of his tee-shirt. Howard propped Vince up against the wall so he didn't have to bend over to suck at Vince's nipples and, again, Vince forget why he'd ever worried about a little thing like an audience during sex.

"Christy, Howard."

In their current position, Howard actually had to look up at him. Imagine that? He shook his head and did his little smiley eye thing.

"Hey, get my jacket off the floor, 'fore someone steps on it," Vince suggested as he toyed with Howard's dark curls. He wondered if he and Howard were going to be proper boyfriends and if he'd be allowed to play with Howard's hair even when Howard was awake. Of course, Howard would be allowed to play with Vince's hair during sex and maybe on special occasions like his birthday.

Howard scooted Vince down the wall for a kiss and Vince wrapped his legs around the taller man's waist. He sighed happily into Howard's mouth and Howard pulled back, a surprised look on his face.

"Howard, if you're trying to _not_ get me off - you're doing a lousy job. Why do you keep lookin' at me like that every time I make a noise? It's creepin' me out."

Howard ran his tongue along Vince's collar bone, the light touch making him shiver and hold onto Howard tighter.

"It's all so different from what I imagined," Howard explained in a husky tone as he worked his way to Vince's earlobe, "I never thought you'd be so..."

"Slutty?"

"Responsive," Howard corrected, "... to me, that is."

"I could close my eyes and think of the Queen," Vince teased, "But I'd probably end up thinkin' bout Helen Mirren or Freddy Mercury and either way I'd end up thinkin' 'bout shoppin'..."

"I always thought..." Howard seemed to lose his train of thought as he fussed with Vince's hair, thoughtfully rearranging it with his fingers.

"You always thought?" Vince prompted, wondering what kind of mess Howard was making of his bonnet but enjoying the feeling nonetheless. Howard rarely touched him over their decades together; other than to yank him around. Feeling how gentle Howard could be made Vince want to give Gideon a call and tell her to get new glasses because she was clearly blind.

Not that Vince was complaining. If Gideon had returned Howard's affection, Vince would have been out in the cold.

Howard ran a thumb over Vince's nipple and smiled as Vince squirmed, "I just thought it would be more... Let's just say, I've not given you enough credit."

"Well, that is true," Vince agreed as Howard wrapped him in a tight hug and started moving them up the stairs, "But I want to know what you really mean, Howard. I'm no good at guessin' what's in that jazzy brain of yours. You should be less complicated, like me."

Howard sighed, "You've gone wrong, Little Man."

Howard carried Vince into their shared room and dropped him on Vince's unmade bed before closing and locking the door. Vince thought of his poor jackets at the bottom of the stairs, victims of Howard Moon's passion.

Howard seemed mildly put out every time Vince insisted he remove a piece of his own clothing. He seemed determined that only Vince be naked and exposed while Howard observed him like an especially pervy art critic.

"How did you underestimate me, Howard? D'ya think I wouldn't be any good in bed? Didn't think I'd be able to keep up with the Northern Bullet?" Vince kept his tone teasing but he felt nervous. Howard was capable of such crazy thoughts.

Howard looked irritated as he wrestled himself out of his rollneck before climbing back on top of Vince. He ran his fingers along Vince's ribs in a way that almost tickled but made Vince move into the movement instead of away. Howard was really good with his hands.

"You're very generous," Howard explained as he pulled off Vince's flares and pants in one movement, "and it helps... Thank you."

Vince wanted to yell at Howard for the 'thank you' business but he couldn't form words once Howard started sucking on his cock. Howard must have been created in a lab specifically to give blow jobs or maybe he'd signed his soul over to the Spirit of Blowies because _no one_ could be that good without practice. Vince could feel Howard's stubble on his skin, he was that deep in Howard's throat. There had to be some bad ju-ju involved.

"Fuckin' hell, Howard, how'd'ju do that? S'mazing."

Howard chuckled- his mouth still around Vince - nearly giving him a stroke in the process.

"Stop, Howard, I'm too close..." Vince had to tug at Howard's hair a bit rougher than he wanted but Howard was lost in his thoughts - like a jazz trance.

"What's wrong?" Howard was pulling back fearfully, like a puppy being scolded.

"Nothing's wrong I just... I figured you'd want to do the other thing..." Vince blushed.

Howard usually used fairly delicate and romantic language when discussing sex. Vince wasn't sure how to act - if Howard would still want to bang on about 'making love' if he was doing it with another bloke.

Howard trailed little kisses along the inside of Vince's thigh, "We don't have to do that... What do you want, Vince? What do you really want right now?"

"That thing you did last night?" he would have added more but Howard's tongue was already inside him and Vince was suddenly busy swearing his tits off.

xxx

Vince was on his knees, looking over his shoulder at Howard and biting his lip, the picture of debauchery and yet totally innocent. Nothing touched Vince, the ugly world just slid off him like water off a duck's back. Not even Howard had been able to dim Vince's light.

Howard grabbed the lubricant again and Vince groaned in annoyance.

"Enough already! I'm ready for ya. I ain't that delicate!"

Howard ignored his protestations and applied a little more lubricant to his cock before moving behind Vince. He didn't entirely trust Vince to tell him if things became uncomfortable, his friend seemed so determined to make Howard feel like a skilled lover. Vince could be having it off with Sebastian right now, their beautiful bodies entwined as Bryan Ferry serenaded them from an iPod doc but - instead- Vince in bed with Howard and acting like he was like he was the luckiest man alive.

Howard had trouble getting lined up and Vince had to help him out. As the head of Howard's cock slipped inside of Vince, they moaned in unison. Howard closed his eyes and thought about Bob Fossil doing his angry nipple rub. He wondered if Vince was thinking about Sebastian to get excited as Howard thought about Bob for the opposite effect. Far too many Fossils for one bedroom.

Vince was already moving, little back and forth movements that slowly brought Howard deeper and deeper. Vince had wanted this position so he could 'get more involved'. Howard worried that Vince would try to make things happen too quickly and injure himself.

He tried to imagine Vince finding his dead body at the zoo. Upsettingly, the thought of a distraught Vince only excited Howard further. He wanted to go back in time and hold that Vince, tell him it would all be okay and then do to past tense Vince exactly what he was doing to Vince present. He wasn't sure what was worse, the idea that Vince had been traumatized by Howard's semi-death or that he'd actually been as unaffected as he'd seemed at the time. It shouldn't matter. Of course, with Vince's help, Howard had come back and brought his looming dark cloud back into Vince's sunny sky. Same as it ever was.

"Oh, Howard," Vince moaned even though he was the one doing all the work. Howard stroked Vince's back and was rewarded by another appreciative noise. That was Vince: cheering him up, feeding his ego, pretending Howard was something special.

"Vince..."

"Yeah?"

Vince was looking over his shoulder, his eyes wide and guileless.

"Thank you?" What else was there to say?

"Quit... fucking hell... thanking me like I'm doing you a favor when..." Vince dropped his head and mumbled the rest.

Howard gently pulled at Vince until he was sitting on his knees, his back pressed to Howard's chest.

Vince pulled Howard's arms around him in a hug, "You feel so nice."

Howard nuzzled Vince's shoulder, "I just want you to know that _I_ know what you're trying to do."

"I'm just trying to get off," Vince groaned, "Why do you make things so complicated? I love you, you love me, we make each other feel good... It can be easy if you let it be."

Howard lowered a hand to stroke Vince's erection, "You know how I am, Vince. The first time I feel threatened: I'll get jealous, then I'll get mean and I'll push you away."

Vince laughed, the movement sending shudders through Howard's body.

"Yeah, then I'll have to find something new to be obsessed with until you come around. Maybe I'll get into Rock-a-billy. I would look good with a pompadour."

Howard smiled at Vince's easy acceptance of their dysfunctional pattern. Howard gently rocked his hips, just enough friction to tease them both until Vince was demanding more.

"Fuck me, Howard, please. Now, please."

Always a sucker for manners, Howard put his hands on Vince's hips and began thrusting as hard as he could in their awkward position. Soon, Vince was bent over with his hands on the bed and eagerly thrusting himself back at Howard. Howard reached around to stroke Vince off as he tried to maintain a modicum of control. He was counting back from 100 when Vince pulled out of his grasp.

"Have you got somewhere to be?" Howard asked as Vince squirmed away, his fringe plastered to his forehead with sweat.

"Like this again," Vince panted, lying on his back with his legs spread, "Wanna look at you."

Howard moved between his friend's long legs and tried to gently slide back inside of Vince despite the younger man's impatient squirming.

Once he was deep inside, Vince pulled him down for a kiss.

"This is genius, Howard, we should do this all the time," Vince suggested, wrapping his legs tightly around Howard, "Whad'ya think?"

Howard was in no frame of mind to answer questions, so he wrapped his hand around Vince's cock and stroked. The moment Vince squeezed his eyes shut and came, silently mouthing the word Howard - Howard's brain and body exploded. He was still pulling the pieces of his shattered brain together when he realized Vince was already chattering away.

"Maybe I should go through my closet, send some more of my clothes to America to live with Sebastian. They deserve to get out, get seen. Living at the bottom of a closet? That is well depressin'. Sebastian needs to enjoy being young and beautiful cause he has them Fossil genes... You reckon maybe Bob could actually look good in clothes that fit? Maybe I should make him an outfit..."

Howard flopped on his back and pulled Vince to his chest.

"Vince, I know you get confused when you're not talking about clothes but..."

Vince suddenly looked nervous so Howard kissed his sweaty forehead in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture.

"What you were saying before about doing 'this' all the time?"

"Yeah?"

"That sounds like a capitol idea to me. I just wanted you to know that," Howard said, wishing the words were flowing a bit more, "Oh, and there is no outfit that will ever make Bob Fossil look attractive."

Vince smiled shyly and kissed Howard on the cheek. Howard could tell he was making an effort not to startle Howard with any sudden movements.

"That sounds like a challenge, Moon. Now I have to figure out how to get his measurements without ending up engaged."

Howard held Vince in a mock-possessive embrace, "You, sir, are taken."

Vince snorted, "Everyone already knew that. Everyone but you, ya berk."


	16. Chapter 16

The empty seat next to Howard seemed to extend into infinity, an enormous black hole with the potential to absorb and destroy all the happiness in Howard's world.

"Hey, what's taking Vince so long?" Lester asked, cheerfully, "Is he still backstage with Sebastian?"

Howard barely noticed the beer bottle shattering in his hand, 'Yeah, he's, ah, helping Sebastian get his 'look' together. Nothin' to be worried about there."

"I wasn't worried, I was just wonderin' where..."

"Well don't be wonderin'! Everything is fine!" Howard snapped.

"Yeah," added Saboo, "Sebastian said he was going to spend some time with Vince, working on his 'fingering'. I'm sure he was talking about the guitar."

Howard was lunging at Saboo when he was suddenly pulled back. Trapped under a heavy weight, staring into a ceiling light - Howard could see the operating room. He was looking at his blood on the wall, unable to make a sound as the doctor growled, "Harold," over and over.

That wasn't right. He didn't remember any fur covered restraints in the operating room, either.

Howard shook his head to clear it and started pulling at the giant furry arm around his neck.

"Harold, calm down. Vince love Harold. No one understand why. Maybe Vince have tumor. Stop being such a ballbag."

Howard patted Bollo's arm, belatedly noticing his hand was bleeding from crushing the beer bottle, "Thanks, Bollo, you're a good friend."

xxx

Howard and Vince had gone round Sebastian's earlier in the week to help him prepare. The American was so filled with anxiety about performing solo, his face was as white as his teeth and he had bags under his eyes. He had a pleasant tenor and he played guitar well enough, he just needed a bit of polish. Howard helped him work out some simpler chords and after an hour, the color had come back to Sebastian's face.

Once Sebastian was back to his tanned and pink cheeked self, Vince tried helping Sebastian with his hair and Howard snapped, "He doesn't want to look like a lesbian from the seventies, now does he?"

Vince suggested Sebastian try Howard's look, "Pre-swastika Charlie Manson."

Sebastian made them each say something nice about each other.

"Howard, your quiches always come out nice and fluffy, even in the middle."

"I like the way you cut my hair."

"I like your hair, it's nice and fluffy like your quiche."

"If it weren't for you, I'd be in an asylum eating my own hair. Like it was quiche."

Sebastian nodded sagely, pushing his glasses up his nose, "A bit heavy on the quiche but I think..."

Howard and Vince had immediately jumped in with, "Light and fluffy egg treat, add some veggies or meat, it don't even need a shell, serve it straight on your plate. Bangers, bangers side. Bangers hang on the side. Mmmmm, open a can of peaches."

"Yeah," Sebastian pontificated, "You guys have a strong foundation..."

Vince took the opening to introduce Sebastian to a new foundation made with unicorn tears.

Howard dug his finger nails into his hands not quite hard enough to draw blood as Vince gently smoothed the cream into Sebastian's smooth skin.

Howard was going to be happy, even if it killed him.

xxx

Howard still had stars in his eyes from his near strangling from Bollo when Vince came jogging back to their table, shaking his head in concern.

"If he vomits one more time, them jeans is falling off. He's a right mess."

Saboo gave an unpleasant chuckle and stared intently at the stage.

"I hope he took my advice," said Tony Harrison, studiously avoiding Lester's eyes.

"If he does one song off of Tusk, I'm walking and you're rolling home on your own," Saboo snapped.

"I'll give you a ride," Lester said all to eagerly. Tony mumbled something about, "one time thing," and, "outrage."

Howard tried to be casual as he slid his arm around Vince's waist. Vince shamelessly snuggled into Howard's side like a cat as Bob Fossil took the stage.

"Give it up for the Flighty Zeus! Holy shitballs do they suck! What was that shit? I wouldn't rub that on my bathroom wall. Anyway, this next act used to live inside my brother's balls. I love him dearly but we're not lovers but if he screws up tonight, I will put him over my knee and spank him till he calls me daddy..."

Sebastian took the stage with a misleading strut, his acoustic slung over his back, and pulled the microphone out of Bob's hand.

"I'm an American and I don't really know what the saying 'Bob's your uncle' means but trust me, it's a fucking nightmare."

Bob grabbed the mic back as Sebastian pulled his guitar into place.

"That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Sebastian Fossil is going to sing some songs and play the stringy box thing shaped like a lady.


End file.
